Page 130 of Only After We Met
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: No good
Your new coworker? You just say that and leave me hanging? Whatever, I’ll get my revenge at some point. But I want details, so I’ll try to do a better job saying what I mean.
What I was talking about in my last email was Dean and the life he’s living. You know, college, job, girlfriend, marriage, children. He must have bought a house too, right? So there you go. We talked about this a while back. I could have had a life like that probably. On paper it looks easy. But then, maybe it’s not. Anyway, it’s not for me. But when I see everyone else doing it, it makes me ask myself questions. Stupid shit. Like whether or not I’m wrong. Or still worse, if I’ll even think the same way in a few years.
I wonder sometimes. What’s going to happen. What I’ll be doing with my life in the future. I can’t see it. That’s the problem. Everything’s blurry.
I envy you sometimes, Ginger. You know what you want. You did even before you finished college, before you left the cabinet company; it was just that you didn’t have the courage yet. I guess it scares me too, just in a different way. Because of my vertigo…and it’s hard for me to jump when I don’t know what’s waiting for me at the bottom. It may not look that way, but it is. We should be born with an instruction manual under our arm, right? Everything would be easier that way. I’ve never understood people who say life’s easy. How so? I find it complicated. Decisions, feelings. Then there are the questions we all have to ask ourselves:Who am I? Where did I come from? What am I doing here? Why am I in this world?Whatever, don’t pay any attention to me.
Tell me how everything’s going at the publisher.
Hopefully we can share a pizza there one day. Remember the one we had in Ibiza at the restaurant on the beach?
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: No good
I didn’t expect this when I told you to open up to me. Jeez, Rhys, I don’t know where to start. I’m answering you now, and tonight I’ll write you another email when I’m more relaxed, okay? So…let’s see… Sometimes I don’t know how to respond to you. I hate that. But I’m not sure if you’ll like what I have to say. And it’s this: I don’t think everyone asks themselves those questions. Can you really imagine Dean having an existential crisis? Asking himself who he is, where he comes from, or what he’s doing here? No. It’s way simpler than that, even if you can’t see it. But I like that about you. You’re different.
I also understand that it confuses you.
And I understand…that until you find certain answers, you can’t move forward, and the future looks blurry. And I hope you do find those answers, Rhys.
PS: It’s impossible to forget that pizza. Mmmm. You can’t see me, but I’m licking my lips as I think back on it.
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: What an idiot
I overdid it yesterday, right? I’m an idiot. I didn’t think you’dtake my words so much to heart. I’m fine, Ginger. I’m happy. We don’t all want the same thing, that’s it.
I’m dying to know more about the publisher.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: Moving ahead
Okay, are you ready? Yes? No? I’m going to be working with Kate! Remember her? My roommate my last year of college? I don’t think you met her when you came to visit me, but anyway, it stressed me out so much to think about having to spend so many hours with a stranger, coming to agreements, always being on the same page…so I thought,Wait, Kate is amazing with business, she always has tons of incredible ideas, and she’s working in a damn burger place!So I decided to call her. We hadn’t talked in ages. The last time was when I told her Dean was getting married. (I nearly die from embarrassment every time I think of it.) Then we kind of lost touch. You know, the summer with you and all that.
Conclusion: she said yes! She loves my idea. She still remembered my final project, and she’s excited to move to London, especially because Donna and I agreed to rent her Michael’s old room in the apartment. So everything’s flowing smoothly. I’m so happy, Rhys! We’re looking for the perfect office, and Kate will handle negotiations with the distributors and interview our freelancers. She can be serious, even intimidating if she needs to be. And let’s be honest, that’s not really me. I’d probably wantto start peeing as soon as the meeting started, and I’d cry if the person said no or we couldn’t make a good deal. Or maybe not, but either way, I’d prefer to deal more with the actual publishing like…finding THE PROJECT!
For now, I don’t have anything special in mind. I’ve looked at a few authors I like, some self-published, others who have been around awhile, but they don’t feel like the ones I want to launch with; they’re more for something long-term, you know? What I want now is something different. Something striking.
But that’s enough about me. Tell me how things are in your world. I assume Ibiza’s calmer in October, right?
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies