Page 89 of All That We Are Together
“You okay?” I asked.
“My head, these goddamn migraines.”
“You should really wear your glasses.”
“Sure,” he hissed.
“Wait here; I’ll bring you something.”
I went to the kitchen, got a glass of water and a pill, and wet a washcloth for his forehead. I turned the light on in his room and saw him squint.
“The light bothers me,” he grunted.
“Stop being whiny. Here, take this.”
He leaned back against the headboard, and the sheet slipped off his torso. I looked away from him as he handed me the glass and I set it on the table. I turned the light off again, told him to lie down, and applied the damp cloth.
“Does it help any?”
“It helps that you’re here.”
I rolled my eyes.
“If you need anything, call me…”
“Wait. Stay a while. Please.”
He made room for me on the bed. There were extreme sports less terrifying than sitting down on that stretch of mattress. I don’t know how long I hesitated there with Axel daring me, as always.
“What are you afraid of?”
It was as if he could hear the words in my head, and as I sat down and he pulled on me, trying to get me to lie down, I wished he couldn’t see right through me. I remained stiff, looking up at the ceiling as our arms touched in the bed. I could hear his relaxed breathing. It was all so intimate, so dangerous…
“What is it you want, Axel?”
“I don’t know. Talk to me. Tell me something. Anything.”
So I did. I confessed to him that I wasn’t entirely pleased with the work I’d done in recent days, even though he already knew it.I told him about my brief encounter with Scarlett at the opening and how everything was overwhelming me.
“Just remember, Leah, it’s temporary.”
“Yeah, but even so…”
I didn’t finish the phrase. My skin was prickly, my stomach turned. At some point, I stopped counting the seconds I was there, stopped cursing the jolt I felt every time he moved and his arm touched mine. I closed my eyes and saw colors: bright, soft pastels…
I blinked, confused.
And then I felt it: his body against mine, his hand on my waist, his lips by my cheek, his presence enveloping me in a warm embrace. I tried to tell myself to breathe when I felt myself getting light-headed. I remained still, very still, asking myself why I didn’t just get up and go.
Maybe because, for a moment, I wanted to live again in that possibility we’d lost. But no. He’d thrown that in the trash. And I couldn’t stop remembering how very happy I’d been in his arms before he did that.
As Axel moved, I felt his fingers slowly climbing my ribs. Then I understood. Over my T-shirt, they were once again tracing the outlines of the letters I’d had tattooed there, wanting to hold on to them forever:Let it be.
“Axel…” I said almost silently.
“Let it be, babe.”
And a second later, his lips met mine, and all I could do was feel. Just as he once taught me, mind blank, heart open, I felt his perfect mouth, his tongue caressing me, his abdomen twitching ashe let loose a moan, his hands under my shirt and his fingertips burning my skin, leaving an invisible but permanent mark.