Page 28 of All That We Are Together
“What’s the problem?”
“Axel, don’t make things worse…”
Even uttering his name left a bitter taste in my mouth.Axel. Those four letters seemed to be pursuing me. An entire life summed up in a single person. I tried to hold it together as he leaned in.
“I know this isn’t easy,” he said.
“Well, don’t make it harder than it is.”
“Here’s the thing: we’re going to have to work together, and I can’t fucking stand you looking at me like that, Leah. We should… I don’t know, we should talk it out. Make peace. Whatever you need.”
My heart sped up.Talk it out. No, I wasn’t ready, because that would mean opening locked drawers that were full of dust, and just thinking about it terrified me. There wasn’t anything concrete for us to come to terms about; it was everything, a relationship, an entire life that had crumbled to bits in an instant, and I was still stepping on shards of it I hadn’t managed to pick up off the ground.
People walked back and forth on the sidewalk or crossed the street a few steps away, and yet, for the seconds we stared at each other, the world seemed to freeze.
“A truce,” I managed to mumble.
Axel stepped back. I don’t know if he was disappointed or relieved. Maybe it was both.
I started walking again and Axel did the same beside me. We didn’t talk. Ten minutes passed, eternal and evanescent at the same time. He made me nervous, his hand so close to mine, his loud steps, his calm breathing…
“We’re here.” I stopped at the door to the building.
“It hasn’t changed a bit.” Axel observed the gardens, then lowered his eyes until they met mine. “Tell me a day when I can visit your studio.”
“I still don’t know…”
“Leah…”
“Maybe Friday.”
“Maybe or definitely?”
I hated how he just pressured and pressured and pressured. And Axel was damn good at it. He didn’t know when to let up or keep his mouth shut; he always went all in, at least when the situation didn’t require him to look at himself.
“Definitely. I’m done with class at five.”
“I’ll be here waiting for you.”
“Okay.” I turned around without saying goodbye.
31
Leah
Landon took a deep breath and rubbed his chin wearily. I couldn’t stand to see him like that, because he was ordinarily so bright and excitable, the type to always see the glass half-full.
I sat on the other end of the sofa.
“So, he’s coming to your studio Friday,” he repeated.
“Yeah. It’s…it’s work.”
He stared down at his hands.
“Dammit, Leah, it’s just…”
“I know,” I interrupted. “I’m sorry.”