Page 12 of All That We Are Together

Linda was already there. She smiled at me before presenting me to the head of the gallery and other people who were working on the exhibition, including several artists.

I tried to relax and accepted the glass of wine they handed me. For the next half hour, we chatted with the others and walked through the still-empty rooms where the guests would contemplate the works hanging on the walls. When we reached the corner where mine were, I shivered. I looked for Landon’s hand and squeezed it in mine.

I had talked a long time with Linda about which three pictures I should choose. It wasn’t easy, because sometimes I got ideas in my head and she couldn’t easily grasp their importance to me. When I looked up at my pictures hung on that wall, I felt proud of myself for the first time, even as I noticed the shaking in my knees.

The first picture was done in all dark colors. A black night. A destroyed heart. Anguish. Confusion. Fear.

The second was bittersweet, with traces of light and purpose, but other muted lines, as though the canvas were consuming itself. Nostalgia.

The third was light. But real light. With its shadows. Hope.

They didn’t have individual titles. The group of three was calledLove.

I looked at Landon out of the corner of my eye and asked myself if he understood the meaning behind them. Once, when we were still just friends, I had asked him to tell me what he saw in aprint I showed him, and he was incapable of seeing between the jumble of lines. I didn’t blame him; I realized it couldn’t have the same meaning for anyone else that it did for me. He couldn’t feel those lines the same way. Differently, sure, but still.

A few visitors started strolling in. I felt calmer as the rooms filled up and the voices rose around me. My friends arrived a little later, and Landon went with them to the next room over so I could talk a while with Professor Martin.

“Two people have already asked about them.”

“Really? Who could ever want…?”

“To have something by you?” she interrupted me. “Get used to the idea.”

I rubbed my hands together nervously. The gallery director’s assistant walked over and started chatting up the professor. I stayed between them, not really knowing what to say or do. I didn’t dare try to see how the visitors would react to looking at my work. That was terrifying.

I took a deep breath. The worst was over already.

And then I sensed him. I don’t know how. On my skin. In my body. In my heart. How many heartbeats does it take to recognize someone? In my case, it was six. Two where I stood there paralyzed and the world seemed suddenly to fall silent. Three more to decide to turn around, even though it terrified me. And one…just one to look into those blue eyes that would follow me for the rest of my life.

I didn’t move. I couldn’t.

We fell slowly into the trap of each other’s eyes.

It was vertigo. Like stumbling all at once into the void.

13

Axel

I didn’t mean to run into her, but I saw her as soon as I stepped into the gallery. I was breathless. It felt as if someone had just punched me in the stomach. Leah was there, her back turned. I thought of all the times I had kissed the nape of her neck before hugging her while we were making dinner in the kitchen. Or when I took her from behind on the porch. I saw that blond hair pulled back in a tight bun, with two or three strands breaking free of the hair elastic and the hairpins holding them in place.

And then, as though she could feel me, she turned around.

She did it slowly. Very slowly. I stopped in the center of the room. Her eyes met mine. We looked at each other in silence, and I felt everything around us disappear: the voices, the people, the world. I took a step forward, almost without realizing it, as if something were pulling me toward her. Then I took another. Then another. Until she was in front of me. Leah never looked away. Her gaze was defiant, dangerous, hard.

I held my breath. I had a knot in my throat. I wanted to say something, anything, dammit, but what do you say to a personwho made you feel everything just before you destroyed her heart? I couldn’t find the words. All I could do was look and look as if she might disappear at any moment and I needed to retain that image of her as clearly as possible in my mind. I looked at the curve of her neck. Her trembling hands. Her lips. Those lips.

Just when I found the courage to try and speak, the woman next to her turned around and grabbed Leah tightly by the arm. “Come here, I need to introduce you to some people.”

She gave me one more penetrating look before taking off for the other end of the room. I was almost thankful for the interruption… I needed to pull myself together.

“Shit.” Everything had gone wrong.

I walked around on edge, checking out the pictures, trying to calm myself down. I went to the next room over. There was potential under that roof, in some pieces more than in others. I concentrated on analyzing them to keep from thinking of her, of how just a few steps separated us and I had no idea what to say to her.

I stopped dead when I saw them. I didn’t need to get closer to read the name on the paper and know they were Leah’s. I could have recognized them anywhere. I don’t know how long I stood there analyzing those three paintings, but when I felt her next to me, I shook and drew in a long breath of air.

“Love.” I whispered the name of the composition, and it was ironic to me that the first word I spoke to her after three long years of absence was that one. “Pain. Nostalgia. Hope.”