Page 52 of Echoes From Within

(Three weeks later)

Sophia

I’ve been living at Travis’s house for three weeks now. I can feel a difference in myself but at the same time, something is stopping me from completely letting go. It’s not that I don’t trust the man, I do. I guess I’m just scared. I’m not good enough for a man like Travis. He’s kind and sweet, even with three other personalities living inside of his head.

I have yet to officially meet them but he tells me that, for the most part, they don’t reallyfrontmuch unless he’s mentally unstable. But I find him zoning out all the time and he told me that’s when he’s talking to them. At first, it was odd watching him silently communicate with the voices in his head, but I’ve done a lot of research on DID and find myself kind of jealous.

What would it be like to know that you’re never alone?

“Babygirl, how would you feel about a cookout at the clubhouse?” Travis asks me from the kitchen.

I pause the movie I was watching and glance back at the man.

He’s wearing a pair of sweatpants with no shirt as he works his way around the kitchen making dinner. I have never before seen something so sexy and the wetness between my legs confirms that.

“Your biker clubhouse?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says. “Viper and Bitsy are back home and Ma wants to celebrate by the whole gang getting together to eat.”

“I guess that would be okay,” I say, suddenly unsure of my position. “I mean, if that’s okay with the rest of your brothers. I wouldn’t want to intrude on such a big event.

Travis has spent the past few weeks giving me his family history. I learned that Bitsy is actually the daughter of another club’s president. I’ve learned that when he says “brothers” he’s not talking about blood family. I’ve also learned that his role in his biker club is that of the Vice President. I guess he’s the second in charge.

I also know that Ma and Pops are the actual parents of Travis, Ghost, Viper, Steel, and Blaze with Travis being the only one adopted.

However, the two parents also claim King, Jax, Knox, and Colt as their children, as well. I’ve met them all in passing over the past few weeks but I’m not sure how I’ll react when I’m in the same place with all of them. It’s not that I don’t like them. I like them all very much. I guess it just makes me realize what I don’t have.

Even when my parents were alive I’ve never had a large family. It’s always just been me, mom and dad.

“You know very well that they would love it if you came,” Travis tells me, pulling me from my thoughts. “Bitsy wouldn’t have it any other way. She hates always being surrounded by men. The men far outnumber the women in her family and it isn’t any different here.”

“What if I have another bad episode?” I ask. “I don’t want to embarrass you.”

Since leaving the hospital, I’ve had several manic episodes. I would go days without eating or sleeping and I would just be so freaking depressed. I craved the burn of a blade against my skin but Travis has made sure the only place with knife-like objects is in the kitchen. High. Where I can’t reach them.

I both hate the man and love him.

“Baby, I have imaginary friends who live in my head,” he tells me, smirking. “I promise that no matter what, they won’t judge you. And you couldn’t embarrass me if you wanted to.”

Still, I hesitate. I don’t do well in crowded places. Especially if we’re inside.

“Before you say anything,” he says, bringing over a glass of iced water and handing it to me. “I’ve already talked to Cady and asked her if she would be able to cover for the day. Once she gave me the clear I told her to wait for your call to give her the order because I wanted you to meet my family.”

“I’ve met your whole family,” I remind him.

“True,” he grunts. “But you need to meet them when they aren’t trying to be careful around you. And what better way than when they become ravenous animals over barbeque chicken?”

“If Cady doesn’t mind then I don’t see why not,” I agree. “I’ll call her and let her know.”

“Thank you, baby,” Travis says, leading down to kiss my head.

He’s had yet to kiss my lips since that first time. I know he’s giving me time to adjust to him taking over my life, but honestly, it just pisses me off. Not the part about him taking over my life. Strangely, I don’t care about that part. Actually, not having to make decisions about either my mental or physical health these past few weeks has been a blessing. A huge weight was lifted off my chest the moment I realized that Travis wouldn’t put up with my bullshit about not taking care of myself.

I’m mostly upset over the fact that Travis keeps treating me as if I’m a delicate cracked vase that will shatter at the slightest touch.

Sure, he’s not far off, but I can feel myself getting stronger. Why can’t he see that?

Then again, maybe he doesn’t see me that way. Maybe he’s realized how filthy I am and wants nothing to do with me. It might be time for me to move back into my parent's house.