Page 94 of Onyx Cage: Volume II

This mattered to her, so I forced myself to be more specific. Removing myself from the surge of rage that accompanied the memory of her in Korhonan’s tent, I gave her the rest of the truth. Or, as much of it as she needed to hear to answer her question.

“Does it bother me that you aren’t a paragon of purity?” I clarified. “Storms, Lemmikki, I’m not that much of a hypocrite. What you’ve done in the past is your business.”

She chewed on her lip again, her eyes darkening, and my mind traveled an even less pleasant path.

“Or are you asking if it bothers me that you were in Korhonan’s bed after you were in mine?” Though I knew perfectly well she hadn’t been in my bed in that sense of the word, she had nonetheless already been mine.

And I wasn’t sure I could lie about my feelings on her…rekindling of their dalliance in the interim. I calmed myselfby picturing a myriad of ways I might one day take care of Korhonan, so caught up in the reverie that I almost missed her quiet, reluctant rebuttal.

“I wasn’t,” she bit out.

“What?” I asked sharply, assessing her for signs of a lie. Her assertion was clear enough, and she looked to be telling the truth, but I was certain I hadn’t imagined her many comments since I had arrived.

“Theo hasn’t touched me since that day at the negotiations,” she said in the same stilted tone. “And before that, we didn’t—I haven’t?—”

For some reason, she seemed more reluctant to admit she hadn’t been in his bed than to imply that she had. In fact, despite the rampant gossip that surrounded her everywhere she went, unless I mistook her meaning, she was telling me she had never been inanyone’sbed.

Her confusion over why I thought she would pass the examination would have certainly made more sense in that light, but it didn’t add up with the many things she had alluded to in the past.

“Did you not tell me in the tent that you and Korhonan werehours away from a natural stopping point?” I reminded her.

She averted her gaze, clenching her jaw more tightly.

“Well, you were being an arseling,” she said, as if that explained anything.

“And did you not imply again this week that you knew he was sleeping, thus indicating you were in his bed?” I revisited that conversation, trying to picture her features for signs that she had been lying.

Chin raised, eyes glowing in indignation. I had assumed it was only from spite.

How many times had I wondered if she was only latching on to the person nearest to her? She had seemed to prove my point by running straight back to him.

Except that, apparently, she hadn’t.

Something inside of me eased, another fraction coming into clarity of the enigma that she was.

“Please see my previous response for reference.” She swallowed, her features twisting while she still refused to look at me. “And if you’ll recall, I was certainly the only one being chaste that night,” she snapped.

Somewhere buried under the mask of accusation was the unmistakable undertone of hurt. Just as it always did, the realization chipped away at the guard I tried so hard to keep when she was around.

“Lemmikki,” I said softly, willing her to look at me.

She complied, slowly turning her head to face me.

“What?” she breathed.

“No one has been in my bed since you left it.” Did she hear what I wasn’t saying?

That from the moment I saw her in a ridiculous veil in the middle of a sparring ring, all other women had ceased to exist for me, even if I hadn’t acknowledged it at the time.

She raised her eyebrows in a challenge. “Then why were your blankets rumpled when you are so obsessive about them being neat?”

Because I couldn’t sleep with the idea of you in this castle anywhere that wasn’t in my bed. Where you belong.

“Because I had been attempting to sleep in it before I gave up,” I said instead.

“You don’t sleep on both sides of the bed.” She leaned forward in her chair, a small note of condescension in her tone as though my lie had been obvious.

It wasn’t, but I didn’t especially feel like explaining this to her. It touched closely on all the things we didn’t discuss, the endless weeks after she left and the unexpected toll they had taken.