Page 228 of Onyx Cage: Volume II
Had she really thought I wouldn’t care for the men who had saved not only my life and the lives of my people, but also hers as well? That I wouldn’t do anything for the people who had protected and followed her?
Her opinion of me hadn’t been quite this low since the treasured child-murderer comment back at the negotiations, but apparently my commitment to her safety was enough for her to doubt everything else about me.
Taking a breath, I carried on as though it didn’t matter.
“Casualties are still being tallied, but Andrei estimates you lost close to two hundred men.”
She closed her eyes, concealing the emotion that might have brimmed in them, but I didn’t have to guess at how she was feeling. I had grown all too accustomed to the reality of losing the people under my protection—the men who fought under my orders.
“I would imagine it would have been far higher,” I added, unable to resist the need to comfort her. “Had the fog not hidden their approach and the lightning distracted them.”
When she didn’t argue, I knew I had been right before. It hadn’t just been my exhaustion messing with my mind on the battlefield. I had always suspected there was more to her abilities with the weather than prediction, that she influenced it in some way when her emotions ran high.
As curious as I was, now was hardly the time to ask her about the attack, especially when this was the closest we had come to civility since her return.
Though, if the grief on the day of Mac’s memorial had only resulted in rainfall, I had to wonder what she had been feeling to summon enough lightning to fell thirty grown men. And how much of that she was feeling still.
The tense silence on the rest of the walk answered that last question better than I might have preferred.
CHAPTER NINETY-NINE
It was no surprise to me that Rowan had captured the loyalty of theBesklanovvy, not after my conversation with Andrei.
Their affection, however, was wholly unexpected. Her soldiers' families had arrived shortly after the battle, and all of them approached her casually. The women would reach out to brush her arm or touch her face, inquiring after her welfare or imparting news of a loss.
The children threw their arms around her. The men smiled openly.
Through it all, there was an undercurrent of respect. She had saved them, but not only that, she had also solidified a place amongst them in the handful of weeks they were together.
It was strange, to say the least. Socairans were neither open nor affectionate by nature, and for that matter, neither was my wife. She had forged her relationships with my men through sword-fighting and card games, not gently asking after their families and feelings.
I hung on the outskirts, observing the unlikely interactions while I tried not to react to the way she had relaxed in their presence. Like they were a safe place for her, but I was not.
It made me want to pull her into our rooms to hash this out, wordlessly or otherwise, but I wasn’t foolish enough to think that would be beneficial for either of us. Not this time. And that was not to mention the trifling issue of the war we still had to fight that should probably take priority today.
Besides, my lemmikki’s temper and her impatience had always gotten the best of her in the past, and I had no doubt they would fuel her this time as well. She would no doubt be barreling into my rooms fueled by all her righteous indignation in no time.
When Andrei escorted her to the infirmary, I took my leave, choosing to wait for her in the Great Hall. Though the constant itch between my shoulder blades screaming that she was in danger still hadn’t left me, I also knew how reasonably little danger she was in surrounded by the crowd in the infirmary, behind the estate walls, with the soldier who had looked more than ready to lay down his life for hers.
More than that, I hadn’t missed her sideways glances and the proud tilt of her chin daring me to suggest otherwise from the moment she strode into the estate. She had her swords and her lightning. She was more than a match for anyone who would try to get the better of her.
That didn’t make it any easier to walk away.
While I waited, I sent for some of my men, having them report to me in the Great Hall instead of my study. We needed to resupply our storehouses and check in on the local villagers.
Repairs for both the castle walls and the gates needed to begin as well.
I had just finished ordering Henrick to check on the few nearby villages that hadn’t been evacuated when Rowan finally emerged from the infirmary. Her expression was a little lighter as she approached, some of the fire back in her bright green eyes.
“Noblewomen in the sick bay?” she asked, tone casual.
I nodded. “After they saw what you did, they wanted to help.”
She deserved to know the changes she had brought to life. And perhaps, I also wanted to remind her that, far from quashing her voice—or any woman’s in this estate—I was still actively trying to affect those changes with her.
Though she didn’t respond, her auburn brows crept higher, her lips tilting into a small, proud smile. She turned toward the East Wing when I stopped her, gesturing toward the hall behind us instead.
“We’re meeting in the war room next,” I told her, and she stiffened.