Page 214 of Onyx Cage: Volume II
He nodded, meeting my gaze with eyes that looked older than his twenty-one years. “Of course.”
I checked down the hall to be sure we weren’t overheard, conscious that we had very little time.
“Tell me about the forces,” I said quietly.
He pursed his lips, silent for long enough that I began to wonder if he was debating his loyalties all over again. But there was more than hesitation in his features.
There was something that bordered on remorse—or maybe even…grief.
For the brother he had believed in? For his kingdom being torn apart? For both?
At long last, he took a breath, giving me a brief accounting of the troops and their locations. Each sentence was another serrated blade directly into my gut.
I thought I had come to terms with Wolf’s betrayal, with what it meant for me and for Bear, with leaving Rowan. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I must have held on to a fragile hope that leaving her wouldn’t be necessary.
Hoped that I could walk back into the room and climb into bed next to her and pretend that none of this ever happened, rally our forces and push the enemy back out of our clan.
But we would need a miracle to survive these odds, and I wouldn’t bank my lemmikki’s life on that. I physicallycouldn’t.
I thanked Korhonan again, handing him both notes.
“The top one is for Rowan when she wakes up.” My tone was casual, but there was only one real conclusion that could be drawn from me leaving her with a letter.
His lips parted, realization dawning on his features. “You didn’t tell her?”
I glanced toward the closed door to where she still lay unawares, not responding. Something in my expression must have given me away, though, because Korhonan heaved a deep sigh.
“Because you couldn’t have left her. You truly do love her.” He didn’t sound surprised as much as he did resigned, almost like the feeling was more on my own behalf than his.
Maybe that was why—for the first time in years—I responded, trusting him with more honesty than I normally would have given him. Or maybe it was just that leaving her was still too raw to say anything else.
“More than my life,” I said quietly, turning to walk away.
More than everything else in this world combined.
CHAPTER NINETY-TWO
Ibarely registered the ride back to the estate, the sleepless night on a bed that felt far too empty, or the way I kept turning to my left on instinct to check on a wife who was no longer here.
It was like having a phantom limb, with all of the pain and none of the functionality.
At least she was safe, as long as Korhonan had managed to get her out, that is. I had to believe that he had.
I spent two days pushing those thoughts out of my head, readying myself to give everything I had to the war Nils was bringing to my doorstep. Our chances were next to impossible, but that didn’t mean I would let my clan fall without a fight.
My men deserved better than that, for all the lives they had already sacrificed, and for the parts of themselves they had been forced to sacrifice long before this war.
I had given the orders for the troops to move before I’d left, as well as for the villagers along the main road to evacuate farther into the country. The entire crux of the assault on our estate depended on the enemy forces reaching us before our allies could, which at least meant that they wouldn’t go out of their way to find random villagers to torture.
Once Iiro had control of Bear, he would play the part of the benevolent leader—right up until he starved everyone to death with his taxes and his greed.
In any event, evacuating those villages would avoid more needless slaughter of our women and children.
When the estate came into view, there were already signs of preparation for an impending attack. Soldiers armed with bows lined the rooftops and the outer wall. The courtyard teemed with activity, men carrying supplies and weapons from wagons into the estate.
My cousin had done well, and though I had tried to keep him from the war, it seemed as if war was destined for him. Of course, he was ready to face it anyway.
He rushed out to meet me as soon as I rode up to the estate, his piercing blue eyes scanning cautiously. I had written him to prepare for the attack, carefully avoiding the added bit of information about what I had left behind.