Page 121 of Hollow Court
I sighed, stepping away from the gown and taking a seat by the fire. “Then my question stands.”
There was a beat of silence that stretched out between us before she spoke again.
“Aren’t you going to ask why?” she inquired.
“I can guess why,” I said. “You think I’m useless, that I came to Lochlann and put your family in danger when I couldn’t even help defend myself.”
She arched a sculpted brow, toned arms crossed over her chest.
“You think I don’t like you because you can’t fight?” She almost sounded amused.
“I think you don’t respect me because I can’t fight,” I clarified.
Gwyn huffed out a humorless laugh. “Well, I’m sure Auntie Jocelyn would be fascinated to hear it.”
I tilted my head, taking that in. That was…fair. In the short time I had known Jocelyn, I hadn’t seen her so much as pick up a butcher knife, let alone a sword, and Gwyn had no problem respecting her.
“Then why?” I asked, genuinely curious now.
She surveyed me carefully, leaning against the wall in that casually intimidating way of hers.
“You mean after it was clear you had a convoluted history with my cousin, then you promptly cozied up to my brother?”
Oh.
A flush rose to my cheeks. I had never considered my actions from that angle.
“Then what changed your mind?” I asked.
She shrugged. “We both know youdon’twant Gallagher. We both know youdowant Davin. What only you know is why you insist on taking him out of the running when it’s so painfully obvious that you would choose him.”
My lips parted in equal parts surprise and irritation.
“I didn’t take Davin out of the running,” I countered. “He took himself out. He doesn’t want to get married, and according to him, he never has.”
She let out a long breath, shaking her head ever so subtly.
“That’s not strictly true. In fact, he was already calming down a bit before…Mac died.” Pain flashed across her features before she covered it.
“Well, he hasn’t since I have known him,” I finally responded, wondering just how different Davin had been before the death of his friend.
“Of course not.” She narrowed her eyes, looking at me like I was some obtuse creature. “Mac was like a brother to him. Growing up, I had Gallagher, and Avani had Rowan, and Davin had Mac. Then he lost Mac, and he grew closer to Rowan. Then he lost her, too, in a way. Can you honestly blame him for not wanting to be close to someone again?”
No, I couldn’t. But… “Whether I blame him isn’t the issue.”
She blinked slowly, her fingers coming up to massage her temples.
“Stars, I get it now, why the two of you run in circles. Look, tomorrow is the autumn festival. It was their favorite—his, Mac’s, and Rowan’s. If you want to be stubborn, fine, but do me a favor and just don’t spend the entirety of the day talking about all your other prospects.”
I nodded solemnly, ignoring the way my stomach clenched at the idea of all my stupidother prospectsI had been trying so hard to ignore.
She moved toward the door but turned back at the last minute.
“Listen, I know what it is to look ahead at the rest of your life and realize you won’t be able to spend it with the man you love, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Not even you,” she added with a ghost of a smirk. “But that doesn’t have to be your life.”
Then she was gone, leaving me alone in my room with the crushing weight of her final words. I paced my floor for hours, avoiding getting into bed where I knew a sleepless night awaited me.
Avoiding the niggling part of my brain telling me I knew exactly how to come by decent sleep. All I had to do was follow the thread that endlessly tugged at me.