Page 116 of Hollow Court
“Did you mean it, when you said you weren’t with anyone after that day on the roof?”
His eyes met mine, something like a warning in them.
“Not while I was in Socair.”
An unreasonable sting of jealousy flared in my gut, even though it was the height of hypocrisy.
“But when you got back?” I pushed.
He clenched his jaw, the firelight dancing in his eyes as he visibly braced himself to respond. “When I got back, I thought I would never see you again, and I looked for any distraction I could find.”
My mind was fuzzier than it should have been, processing his words slowly.
“Did it work?” The words came out a whisper.
“No,” he said flatly. “It didn’t.”
“It didn’t work for me, either,” I admitted.
His eyebrows climbed into his hairline, either at the admission that I had missed him, or the more obvious one, that I hadn’t been chaste after our night together. I had needed to know if it would be the same, if I was building up what Davin and I had shared, because I had never experienced it with anyone else.
Getting the answer to that question had almost been worse.
Of course, it wasn’t the same. Nothing was the same.
“Alexei?” Davin asked the question like he already knew the answer.
The sound of my former fiancé’s name, coupled with the idea of giving him that kind of control over my body, sent a shudder through me.
For a moment, my whiskey-addled mind considered telling Davin the truth, but I didn’t want Alexei invading this space, this part of my life, any of it. At least, not yet. Not tonight. Not like this.
So, I swallowed the words and answered his question instead.
“No.” I shook my head for emphasis. “It was before our betrothal was finalized. Just a lord in Ram.”
I was unreasonably satisfied to see the same jealousy I had felt sparking behind Davin’s eyes now.
“Not a guard?” His tone was equal parts teasing and…almost possessive.
“No. I’ve never slept with any guards, as it turns out,” I said pointedly.
After all, Davin had never been a real guard.
He gave an acknowledging arch of his brows, looking down at his whiskey glass for several moments before he spoke again.
“Would it have changed anything?” he asked. “If you had known?”
I thought about that—really thought about it. Hell, I had considered it often in the endless nights this past week alone. I still wasn’t sure. With the state of our kingdoms, I would have either had to betray my family to be with Davin…or worse, let my uncle use him as leverage.
And would it really have mattered, knowing the truth, if he hadn’t wanted more?
Missing someone when they were gone wasn’t the same as wanting to marry them, and Davin had never actually said that he did want to marry me. He had never said anything more than vague half-comments.
Neither of us had.
“I suppose we’ll never know,” I finally said.
He nodded like that was the answer he was expecting. We were quiet then, accompanied only by the sounds of the crackling fire and the rain pattering on the window outside.