Page 113 of Obsidian Throne
His concern did not warm any part of me. At all.
“Yes and yes,” Mila answered. “But in need of a bath and breakfast, as I said.”
Before she shut the door, I caught a brief glimpse of him and his tousled midnight waves and silver gaze. Then he was gone, and it was once again just me and Mila.
Whatever she saw in my expression had her own drawing tight in sympathy.
“Are you going to talk to him?” she asked.
“I...don’t know.” I admitted, leaning back against the black damask wall.
“Are you truly going back to Lochlann?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
Taras must have mentioned that to her.
I heaved out a sigh, considering. I would need to go long enough to escort the Unclanned who wished to go back to my holdings. But beyond that... Could I really leave Evander?
Could I really stay if he was going to spend the rest of our lives making decisions for mefor my own good? Where he might leave me again whenever he deemed it necessary?
Was any amount of love worth that?
I had told him once that I had resigned myself to that life with Theo, one without choices. It was clear to me now that I never could have actually lived that way.
And what if there was a child involved?
“I don’t know that, either,” I finally answered, my voice even quieter than hers had been.
I knew Mila was a true friend, because in spite of her wrinkled nose and the fact that she had just told me I was covered in blood and grime, she threw both of her arms around me, tugging me against her.
“For whatever it’s worth,” she whispered, “I don’t blame you for being furious. I’ll support whatever you decide to do.”
“But…” I asked, pulling gently away to see her expression.
Her features were drawn in sympathy. “But, as stupidly as he went about everything, he was trying to save you from being killed, or worse, by Iiro. If nothing else, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that Evander loves you.”
“I know that,” I told her. And I did. “But what is love without respect?”
And could I really stay without both?
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
EVANDER
Ihadn’t left the hallway outside of Rowan’s door in hours.
I had forced myself to leave yesterday, wanting to go talk toAndreimyself. One thing had been immediately apparent. These were, indeed, her men. They had no particular love of me, of Bear, of Socair at all, really, but they had a clear loyalty to my wife.
But then, that was Rowan’s way.
Kirill had taken to her immediately, and I would never forget the first time I saw her playing cards with Yuriy. Even Taras had been protective of her, in spite of himself.
If people respected me for my strategic mind or feared me for my position, they had something else entirely for her. Rowan inspired people.
As impressed as I was by her, though, the predominant emotion I felt when I left my conversation with Andrei was something I was altogether unfamiliar with.
I wasn’t used to feeling...stupid.
Twice now, I had missed the obvious. I hadn’t expected Nils to betray us. Then when he did, we had needed more men, and I was convinced there were none to be found.