Page 75 of Tarnished Crown
“Well, I understood that just fine,” I said loudly enough to carry. “See, I know all the Socairan that I need to know.”
Evander’s irritable sigh said more than words would have.
I didn’t care, though. I was back in my dark, comforting cocoon, right where I wanted to be.
Where I planned to stay for the foreseeable future.
CHAPTER49
An intense tingling along my spine wrenched me out of a deep sleep, and for once, it wasn’t from the flogging.
A storm was coming.
I gently peeled the covers off myself and padded out to the balcony, looking out in the direction I felt it from. The Masach Mountains.
It was freezing out here, especially barefoot and wearing only Evander’s shirt. My skin tightened, pulling at the scabbed over skin on my back.
At least, the cold had a numbing effect as well. I tried to let the icy temperature seep all the way through to my soul, soothing my frayed nerves while I watched the dense, dark clouds roll down the mountains.
Is it storming in Lochlann?
Avani hated storms because they scared half the animals in the palace. I wondered if she was cursing this one now, especially without me there to warn her.
I hated having no way of knowing what she was going through in my absence.Becauseof my absence, and Davin’s.
Leaning forward, I placed my fingers on the snow-covered stone of the balcony’s edge, imagining for a moment that I was home. That this was Lochlann snow. This was the balcony in my bedroom.
Today would be the Winter Festival. I had left the castle for Hagail nearly two weeks before we went in the tunnels, so I had been gone for...over four months. That was longer than I had ever been away from home.
Away from my family.
“Lemmikki?”
I jumped at the sound of Evander’s voice, closer than I expected it to be.
When did he even open the door?
His tone was oddly hesitant, though whether that was because he rarely sought me out or because I was standing on the frozen balcony half-dressed, like a crazy person, I wasn’t sure.
Nor could I bring myself to care.
“What is it?” he asked, coming to stand next to me.
I stared out at the tempest clouds churning like the waves on Loch Morainn. If I stared hard enough, I could almost imagine that I could make out the snow-covered hills of home on the other side.
All the somber, bitter thoughts I had tried to ignore the past weeks came crashing down on me, and I found myself answering his question with more honesty than I intended.
“You were right, you know.” I shook my head, risking a sideways glance at him.
He raised his eyebrows for me to expound.
“You asked me why I went in the tunnel...” I looked back out at the mountains and the storm brewing over them, taking a deep breath. “At first, maybe I was just bored, but that last time...Iwasrunning away.” I paused, swallowing.
“Before I left, Avani hadn’t left her room for months. The weight of her grief...it settled over the castle until I felt like I couldn’t breathe, let alone joke or laugh or even grieve myself.”
Guilt gnawed at my insides for complaining about my sister and what she was going through, but I couldn’t seem to stop the words from spewing forth.
“I lost my first brother when he was only a baby, before I even got to meet him. And it was sad, in a distant sort of a way. But Mac.” I swallowed back the sudden lump in my throat. “He was everything a big brother should be. Protective and funny and kind. No one’s pain could trump Avani’s. I know that, but the rest of us were grieving, too.”