Page 20 of The Perfect Secret

His desire to help touched her, but she was still scared her problem would turn him off. So she nodded and let him lead her toward a bench in the park. When they were seated, he took her hand in his.

“Talk to me.”

The rasp of his skin against hers sent shivers up her arm. His hand was warm and solid and she wanted to trust him.

“My brother is a drug addict.”

He stiffened next to her and she waited for him to say or do something, but he stayed where he was. His hand tightened around hers. After a moment, his thumb swirled over her wrist. She continued.

“He’s been an addict for so long, it’s hard to picture what he was like before.” She turned a watery smile toward Dan. “He was such a fun-loving kid. I remember him always teasing me, but at the same time, he was my biggest defender.” She quieted and looked across Hudson Street as the cars drove by. “And then somewhere he got lost.”

Dan cleared his throat and placed a hand on her back. Was he pushing her away? A few seconds later, his hand moved, patting her back and she looked at her lap. “He promises to get clean, or he swears he is clean and he’s not. And each time he comes to me and I give him money or a reference for a job, and he falls to pieces again and I clean up the mess. My other brothers won’t have anything to do with him, it’s always been just me. Well, me and Grandma,Bubbe. But I can’t do it anymore, andBubbedoesn’t think I’m fair to him. She wants me to believe him. Except it hurts.”

She rested her head on his shoulder. He sat as still as a statue, but moments later, he took a deep breath and molded himself to her body. Encouraged, she continued. “I need to support my grandmother. I’d like to believe my brother, but I’ve been hurt too many times to believe him because he says he’s clean. Oncean addict, always an addict. And if it makes me a bad person, well, then I’m a bad person.”

“You’re not a bad person. He’s shown you he can’t be trusted. You’re acting on past experience.”

“Then why do I feel awful? And why can’tBubbeunderstand my reasons?”

“Your grandmother, you’re close to her?”

“I live with her.”

“She sees the best in her grandkids. Maybe she doesn’t want to see the bad. Someday, if your brother does get clean, he’ll appreciate what you’re doing for him. And maybe someday your grandmother will understand.”

“I hope so.”

“Hannah, I…”

She rested against his shoulder again and his voice faltered. He traced her spine with his fingers, sending chills up and down her back. Beneath her hand on his leg, his strong thigh muscle clenched beneath her touch. Leaning close, she inhaled his scent, a crisp combination of woods and musk with a hint of spice and her breath hitched.

She raised her head, looking into eyes so blue she’d swear they reflected the depths of the ocean, and all thought disappeared. The tips of her fingers traced his jawline and she leaned in, touching her lips to his with feather-light pressure. Their noses bumped and she felt the contrast between his smooth lips and the stubble surrounding them.

She pressed her lips against his and he sighed as he closed his eyes. Her tongue nudged his lips and he opened them, allowing the kiss to deepen. Their tongues tangled, danced, and explored, as her hands gripped his sides.

“Mommy, what are they doing?”

The high-pitched question snapped her out of the moment. She pulled away. His eyes were cloudy with desire and his breath came out as labored as hers. She buried her head in his neck.

“I think that’s how this all started,” he whispered, and she jumped away as he laughed. “Do you want to take a walk?”

She looked at him sideways. She wanted to ask him about what he’d started to tell her. But he’d comforted her. For the first time since she’d spoken to her grandma, she felt good and didn’t want to mess it up. She took him at face value, deciding to save her questions for later.

They walked past the dog park and the playground.

“My wife and I used to bring Tess here when she was little. She loved the swings, always wanting to go much higher than either I or Beth would want to push her. I still remember the sound of her little voice yelling, ‘Higher!’”

They watched the kids run around the playground. Hannah thought about Dan’s memories. He’d always have memories of his wife—there’d never be a clean break. She would have to live in her shadow. Hannah looked at her phone. “Oh wow, I didn’t realize how late it was. I need to finish my errands and get back.”

They walked to the corner, crossed the street, and waited for a cab to come by.

When it pulled up, Dan turned to her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I am. Or I will be. Thanks for meeting me here and letting me talk.”

He brushed the hair from her face. “Anytime. Anyplace.”

She nodded and watched the cab pull away. Maybe he’d let her be there for him some day.