Page 59 of A Heart of Little Faith

He returned from another trip to the bathroom to refresh the washcloth—it didn’t take long for her fever to heat it—when she moaned.

“Daniel?”

He froze.

“Daniel, you came back.”

Gideon remained silent. He didn’t know whether he should answer her, pretend to be her dead husband and encourage her hallucination, or keep quiet.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Her voice was high pitched, edged with hysteria. She started to thrash around.

He answered her and his words calmed her down. “I’m here Lily, I’m here.” Gideon swallowed. He didn’t want to deceive her, but he didn’t have a choice. His face burned.

“I knew you’d come back,” she whispered in a little girl voice. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I know.”

“I was afraid I’d forget you.”

“Forget me?”

“Forget how wonderful you were, how much we loved each other. Even now, I can’t quite remember your voice.” Her eyes welled with tears, and Gideon wiped them away with shaking hands.

“It’s okay, Lily, you’ll always remember our love. Claire will help you remember.” She smiled at the thought.

“I’ve met someone.” She frowned. “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t tell you.”

His heart pounded. “No, you can tell me. You can tell me anything.” He crossed his fingers and hoped she’d forgive him if she found out.

“His name is Gideon and he’s wonderful. But I feel guilty.” She stared at him, her glassy eyes focused on something only she could see. He was the one who felt guilty. His throat was dry and he swallowed with difficulty. This was like spying, or reading someone’s diary. He’d never done anything like this before—he valued his own privacy so much, how could he invade hers? But he had to keep her calm, so he forged ahead and promised not to abuse her trust.

“Why do you feel guilty?”

“Because of you. I feel like I’m betraying you by falling for someone else.”

Gideon stared at the ceiling and bit his lip. It tasted salty and he licked it before he answered her. “You deserve to be happy, Lily.”

“I know.” But she didn’t sound convinced and his heart squeezed.

“Does he care about you?”Please say yes. He held his breath.

“Yes, I think so.” Gideon exhaled with a whoosh.

“Does he care about Claire?” He was more confident on this score.

“Yes, and Claire loves him.”

Gideon smiled as warmth that had nothing to do with Lily’s fever spread through his body. “Then how could you betray me?”

“I guess you’re right. But sometimes he pushes me away.”

“Maybe he’s trying to protect you,” he offered, his voice hoarse. Hearing her thoughts and fears crushed him. He’d never meant to hurt her.

Lily blinked slowly. Gideon rested the washcloth on her forehead and brushed the hair out of her face. He traced the bones of her skull with his fingers and soothed her with his touch. The silence between them stretched out, and Gideon wondered if she would fall asleep. “I think he’s trying to protect himself,” she said at last.

Gideon inhaled through his teeth. “Why?”

“I don’t think he thinks anyone can love him.”