Page 10 of A Heart of Little Faith
“Can I go draw pictures now, Mommy?” Claire rose halfway from the table. “Gideon said Samantha has colored pencils I could use.”
Lily observed Gideon and Samantha before focusing on her daughter. “You have to eat more first. You’ve hardly eaten your bagel and you haven’t touched your fruit.”
Claire frowned, but sat and continued to nibble. Everyone else ate in strained silence. The clink of the silverware against the dishes and the gulp of food became more pronounced as the stillness dragged on. Trying to break the mood, Lily and Samantha made polite, if stilted conversation. Conscious of her every word being weighed, she missed the easy atmosphere of past brunches. Why had Samantha bothered to invite her brother? At last, the meal came to an end and Claire asked to be excused to play in the living room.
With that, Gideon pushed away from the table. “Thanks for breakfast, Sam, but I just remembered something I have to do.”
He spoke briefly to Claire and left the apartment.
The slamming of the door dampened Lily’s anger. Her face heated and she wrung the napkin between her hands. She stood. “I’d better go apologize to him. I was rude.”
Samantha straightened in her seat, eyebrows raised as she turned toward Lily. “Wait Lil, don’t. You didn’t do anything he didn’t deserve.”
“Sam, I baited him and embarrassed him in front of everyone. I have to apologize.”
Samantha reached for her hand. “I’m not saying not to apologize. But he didn’t acknowledge your presence. He behaved just as rudely as you did. Besides, confronting him is just going to make it worse. Trust me. I know my brother.”
No matter how valid Samantha’s arguments were, she had to set a better example for her daughter. “Give me his phone number so I can at least leave him a message.”
Samantha picked up the phone, pressed speed dial and handed it to her. Lily recorded her apology at the beep and resumed eating, no longer tasting the food. She didn’t know who to be more annoyed at, Samantha for inviting Gideon, Gideon for behaving like a boor, or herself for rising to the bait. The uncomfortable quiet remained until Samantha chuckled.
“What’s funny?” How in the world could Samantha find anything amusing in this situation?
“Nothing Lil.” She bit her lip, nostrils flared. “More eggs?”
****
Gideon fumed as he returned to his apartment.
Outside the cab, shoppers—most of them from out-of-town, based on their outfits—crowded the sidewalks, but he barely noticed anyone. He didn’t notice the stale odor of cigarettes and cheap air freshener inside the cab. His brain focused solely on brunch, as it replayed the scene in an endless loop. He couldn’t decide which woman made him angrier—Samantha or Lily. His sister should know better than to interfere in his life. He didn’t need her to arrange it for him; he was quite capable of doing it on his own. He’d worked hard to rebuild his shattered life after his accident. And he certainly knew better than she what he wanted—or wanted now, after learning that his old desires for love would just end in heartache. He’d filled the empty spaces of his life with work, friends and volunteer work. He did not want his meddling sister to interfere by raising his hopes and making him think he could have the impossible.
And Lily. Who did she think she was? Taking over for him today as if he couldn’t do anything and when he confronted her, forcing him to wait on her? And in front of Claire too. Despite his anger, he couldn’t get the shine of Lily’s glossy brown hair out of his mind, couldn’t forget the jasmine scent of her perfume.
Letting himself into his apartment, he checked his phone, and finding a message, pressed the play button.Hervoice made him freeze.
“Hi Gideon, it’s Lily. Listen, I wanted to apologize for brunch today. I was annoyed, but I never should have been rude and I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I’m sorry.”
Her voice was like velvet and a shudder ran through him. He moved to the window and stared at Washington Square Park across the street. People roller-bladed and bicycled in the sunshine. She called to apologize, apparently right after he left. It took guts to admit a mistake, even to a voice mailbox.Especially when the person on the answering machine had been equally, if not more, rude to her.He squirmed uncomfortably, knowing for all of his anger, he was mostly to blame. She hadn’t done anything worse than offer to get something from the kitchen.It wasn’t as if she’d offered to tie my shoes.
He’d had fun Friday night and he’d enjoyed talking to Lily. She was captivating and beautiful and intelligent. In another life, he would have been attracted to her. Hell, who was he kidding, he was attracted to her now. But before his accident, he would have pursued her.Successfully, he reminded himself. And there was Claire too. As the oldest of five kids, he loved children and had always imagined himself with a huge house full of them. And a wife. That would never happen now. His ex had shown him the impossibility of that dream. He clenched his fist in his lap and choked on the bitter bile that rose in his throat.
But his sister had other ideas, especially after their conversation yesterday. Apparently, his invitation to brunch was a thinly disguised setup. He wouldn’t let her make a fool out of him. So, he’d taken his anger at Samantha out on Lily and made a complete ass of himself. Instead of ignoring his sister’s actions until they were somewhere private and enjoying the additional company, he’d let Samantha get the best of him, embarrassed himself, and shown a complete lack of manners. And in front of Claire, as well. He should know better.
Well, he didn’t plan to fall for Lily, but he’d have to find another way to handle himself with her. She didn’t deserve what he’d done today and he owed her an apology. His sister, however, was a different story, and it was time they had a serious conversation.
Chapter 4
For the second day in a row, Gideon noticed the clock on his desk and groaned. He’d meant to call Lily yesterday and again today to apologize for his rude behavior. Once again, the day slipped past without his dialing her number, which Samantha had given him. And now, at five o’clock, it was time to leave work and get to the community center to mentor his boys. He picked up his cell phone and shook his head. She deserved more than a backhanded apology on his way between two places.
He leaned back and jabbed his fingers through his hair. He’d known the woman less than a week, and already he was on his second apology. Somehow, he had to get hold of himself with her and not act like a caveman. What was it he said to his boys when they talked about handling themselves with girls? Treat them with respect and make them feel good about themselves. Hah, he was the one to mentor them. He swallowed the nausea. If they could only see him now, they’d probably fire him. Could kids fire a mentor? He didn’t know, but if he continued like this, he suspected he might find out. Mentally, he added Claire to his apology list.
He grabbed papers from his desk, stuffed them into his briefcase and left. The community center was a subway and cab ride away, not far from Samantha’s and Lily’s apartments, and he volunteered there twice a week. While his job earned him money, his volunteer work satisfied his soul. He mentored a group of four, eleven-year-old boys. They didn’t have fathers, and he attempted to fill the place of an adult male and role model in their life. Sometimes he helped them with homework, other times he talked to them about their lives. Their conversations served as a potent reminder that no matter how much he might regret how his life had turned out, his suffering couldn’t compare to theirs. Being with those kids was the best way to draw him out of any lingering self-pity he might occasionally suffer. He’d also organized them, and some others, into a basketball team. After an hour of official mentoring, they spent another hour practicing.
With a quick glance at his watch, he hurried to make it there on time. The last thing he wanted was for the boys to think he wasn’t coming. Enough people had abandoned them in their short lives. He would never let himself be part of that list. His pulse quickened as he looked forward to seeing the boys. He enjoyed being with them as much as they did with him.So why is it so easy for me to be myself with them and not Lily?He’d have to think about that one.
Inside the community center, he said hello to Tony, the director. He was one of his closest friends, one of the few he’d allowed himself to rely on. If Tony knew how he’d been treating Lily, he’d yell at him—deservedly. Gideon and Tony grew up together, and coincidentally found each other again at the center. They hung out in their spare time and sometimes played pick-up games at the park. Rushing into the study room, he found the boys already seated at the table.
“Sorry I’m late, guys,” he said as he hugged each one or ruffled their hair. His chest expanded with pride and love as he greeted “his boys.” Their bony shoulders poked through the crisp school uniforms. The beginnings of muscle were forming beneath his fingers and it was only a matter of time before they shot up and filled out. At first, the boys had been distant with him, but by now he’d gained their trust and they’d come to depend on him for a certain amount of affection. Their homework was already open on the table, so Gideon spent an hour helping them with math, English and social studies.