Page 63 of Full Court Love
Well, you’ve never tried. You’ve acted like the victim for way too long.
That seems a little harsh. I–
My silent argument is interrupted by an aggressive knocking on my door. Less than two seconds later, the door is thrown open by AJ, looking positively livid. Behind her stands Tyler, looking like he’s ready for the entertainment to begin.
AJ storms in and stands in front of me. I think she’s purposely about to deliver a harsh judgment while looking down on me. It’s quite fitting.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
I force my expression to remain neutral.
“Hello to you too, AJ.”
She holds up a hand to stop me. “Nope, we aren’t being cute right now, you jackass. You did the exact thing I warned you not to. And don’t feel like you can explain something I don’t already know–Lucy gave me all the details. Specifically the one about you breaking up with her to protect her and her future. She’s a saint and is trying to be understanding, despite you absolutely obliterating her heart.”
My chest gets tight. Hearing it articulated makes me want to rip my own heart out. Her whole happy charade this week had me wondering if I was imagining how invested we both were. I’m oddly relieved to know it was all real, but more so, I feel like a total jerk.
AJ continues. “Yeah, I’m calling bullshit.”
I freeze. The room is silent as my eyes dart between her fiery face and Tyler’s amused one. I can barely sputter a response. I’m back on my heels, and she knows it.
“Umm, what? I’m looking out for her.”
She scoffs. “Really? ’Cause I think you’re being a coward, and you know it.”
“Excuse me?”
Her expression gets sassy. “What, you think you’re the only one who’s ever had to stand up to a parent? Oh, buddy, I’ve got news for you. Over-involved parents come in all shapes and sizes–and wealth demographics. My parents, for example, tried to buy my way into certain teams, tried to control who I could be friends with so I made sure to stay in the good graces of the powers that be, and even wanted to pull me from school so soccer was the center of my life.”
Oh, damn. As much as I’ve always wanted to be rich, that sucks. As much as he’s ruined certain things for me, at least my dad didn’t try to control every aspect of my existence. I’m suddenly very curious about how AJ got her edge and devil-may-care approach to confrontation.
We barely know each other and this is our second stern conversation–both of which she has initiated. I’m more than a little impressed.
“Okay, AJ. School me. How does one stand up to a parent such as this? How did you do it?”
She shrugs, like it’s the simplest answer in the world. “I just quit soccer. They went ballistic when I refused to go to practice or training…or any of the other million things I was signed up for. I told them I felt like all I was to them was a trophy. Soccer was all we talked about. It was the only thing they ever asked me about—it was the only thing they ever discussed with each other. It had taken over our lives.”
She exhales, like she’s trying to slow down.
“Anyway, I also told them that I loved them a lot and I just wanted them to view me as their daughter. Soccer aside, Ineeded to know they loved me and were proud of me whether I quit altogether or became an Olympian.”
I feel a lump rise in my throat. This is a different version of the same story I’ve been living. To hear my parents–specifically my dad–tell me that he loved me regardless of what happened on a basketball court, not because of it, would change everything.
I wonder if we could ever get there, but I really doubt it. I look at AJ.
“That actually worked?”
My tone radiates doubt.
She stares off to the right of me, like she’s remembering.
“Not immediately. It took a while–not for them to tell me they loved me but for a real relationship to form. There were weeks when we barely spoke because I had forbidden any soccer talk and they didn’t know how to talk about anything else. Eventually, it worked. It took some really difficult conversations to get there, though.”
I nod slowly. I wish all it would take would be difficult conversations, but my history with my dad is too wrought with selfishness. He has ruined every single meaningful relationship I’ve had–friends, coaches, teammates.
He hurt those people, in addition to hurting me. He used them and manipulated them–took full advantage of the kindness of those around me.
And this isn’t just about me.