Page 66 of Wrapped in Winter
The door opens and January comes walking through. As fast as it happens, Meadow is grabbing her purse, kissing Lily goodbye and she’s out the door as fast as January walked through it.
“Hi.” I greet her and she gives me a simple hello back.
“Momma!” Lily comes flying around the corner and jumps into her arms. They stand there holding each other and my heart constricts in my chest.
These two girls are mine.
She walks closer holding Lily in her arms and I meet her halfway, pulling her close and kissing her temple. Lily throws her little arm around my neck and holds the three of us together for a moment before wiggling to get down.
“I’ll be right back!” She yells and goes running to her room.
“How was your day?” I ask.
“Eventful.”
I stand with my hand on my hip while she fidgets around me. When she tries to pass me, I grab her waist stilling her movements.
“Talk to me.”
She freezes mid step then relents to my question. She sags against the encounter and lets out a sigh. “The shop was busy. But Lief and I had it out.”
“Are you okay?” I step right up to her, wanting to strangle her brother without even knowing what the issue was. But I can imagine
“I’m fine. It was actually a talk that was long overdue.”
I don’t respond and I let her figure it out. She’s got lots in her head right now and I want her to play it out for herself. But when she's quiet, I surmise on my own about what their conversation could have been. And then I let her know about Lily and mine's conversation today.
“Lily is concerned about going to school because she doesn't have a dad.”
“What?” She snaps out.
I nod. “She told me at the library today she's worried about the other kids having dads.” I take a breath. “And she asked if I would be her dad.”
She looks at me and the sadness in her eyes for her daughter is more than I can take. After the breakdown she had last night and now hitting her with this, I know it’s a lot.
“The best thing you did was have Lily.” I reassure her.
She shakes her head. “I don't see that, Drake. I see the events that led to it, the events that leave her without a father.”
I soften my tone. “I’m going to say something. From what you’ve told me about her father, it may be for the best. And the last thing I want to do is talk badly about the dead, but January, look at this beautiful girl you have. A best friend for life.”
“I know. But the last thing I want her to do is suffer what I went through.”
“It's different though. You knew your dad, you had time to love and form that relationship which made it that much harderto lose him. She never knew him. She knowsyou. Your sisters, your brother and your friends' husbands. She doesn't know what it is to miss a dad because she hasn’t had one.”
“I want her to have one.” She whispers quietly. “It’s not fair I robbed her of that.”
My heart clenches at her admission but I still won’t push. I won't take over unless she asks, and even then, I'll step in to help, not overpower. “You didn't rob her. Life happens, January. We can’t stop it.”
She looks completely lost. She’s exhausted, I see it on her face. She’s dealing with a ton of emotions she never had to before. “I’m here, January. Say the word. Say the word and I’m going all in. Please, just try.”
“I can’t.”
I close my eyes. “Why?”
“Because what if I fail?”
I shake my head. “I won’t let us fail.” I step into her space, cupping her face and making her see me. “I love you, January Nilsson. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you or Lily and if she tells someone I’m her dad, I’m going to fucking own that title “ Her eyes are wide as they search mine. “I’m promising you right now, I’m not leaving. So you better get used to having someone fight for you. When you can’t do it, I can. When your daughter,our girl,needs someone other than her momma, I’m going to be that someone. Biology be damned, she’s mine.”