Page 6 of Wrapped in Winter
“I’m just teasing you… but listen.” She steps close to me. “I know it’s been hard, I just don't want to see you live your best years alone.”
“I’m not alone. I have Lily,” I reply indignantly. I don’t need sympathy from my sister.
“And she’s the best thing about this family. But you need someone too. It’s okay to want a partner, a man's help and touch.”
I don’t want to admit it, but she’s right. I’ve hardened myself against meeting anyone, and especially to love. I lost the best man I knew at fifteen, and then, at twenty-six, I lost a man I hardly knew but thought I loved because he was my daughter's father.
I can’t open myself up to another loss or another opportunity to see how my rash decisions change all the lives around me. It’s why the guy from the bar needs to be aone and done.
“Momma!” I hear Lily come bursting into the shop, dragging my mom behind her. She runs right to me, and I grab her up and swing her around. Her puffy pink winter coat and oversized hat are cold against my body.
“Hey, baby! I missed you! How was breakfast with Nana?”
“So good!” I laugh at her excitement. “We had eggs and bacon!”
“Oh that sounds great!” She wiggles in my grip so I place her down. “Thanks, Mom. I appreciate you bringing her here.”
“Oh, it's no problem, honey. I love being in this store.”
My chest feels tight as she wanders around and takes in the pictures of her and my dad hanging on the wall full of family photos. Dad always kept some there, but once he passed, we filled it even more. It brought mom comfort to see all the amazing times we had together. But all I feel is the burden I'm placing on her over and over by asking her to watch Lily and then bring her here, to the place they built together. To me, it's just another reminder of what we lost. The good times were buried when we buried him. His funeral aged me and suffocated me and the only way out I knew was to run. Of course, that led to more bad decisions that aged me even further.
“Lily, are you ready?”
“We just got here, honey,” my mom says.
“I know, but I want to take her down to the library for a few. They’re starting the sign up for the lottery for pre-kindergarten classes, and I want to make sure I get her name on the list.”
“But deliveries aren’t here yet!” Blossom calls out.
“But youarehere and you’re more than capable! Peace out, sister!”
I have to get out of here. Between running intohimand Mom smiling at the pictures, just like she smiled the day of the funeral, it's too much. My mind is spinning with possibilities I sworeI wouldn’t allow myself to think of again. How can I? It’s not about me. Lily is my number one priority.
Chapter 4
January
We arrived at the library just in time. I got Lily’s name on the list for school and then we sat together in the reading room, picking out a couple of books that will help her transition to a classroom. We stayed for an impromptu reading ofThe Mouse Who Wanted a Cookie,but when I noticed Lily getting antsy toward the end of the afternoon, we made our way out to my truck, and I sent a text to my sister, making sure the shop was alright. She assured me all was well, saying we had a little burst of shoppers but nothing she couldn’t handle.
Blossom: The snow is starting to come down harder. Take my niece home and relax.
She’s still so good to me, covering me when I don't deserve it. I know it’s a mindset for me that I need to change. I have people I can rely on now, I just don’t want to. I don’t want to burden them with my needs. But Lily was tired, and it was the best thing for her. We ran a few errands and went home for a quick dinner of spaghetti and meatballs—Lily's favorite—and by seven, she wasin her room, fast asleep, and I was able to sit quietly with a glass of wine.
I turn on my electric fireplace and sit facing the windows, watching the snow come down when my phone rings with a text.
Courtney: What are you doing?
Me: Did you hear me turn my fireplace on?
Courtney: You’re not a real Montananite if you don’t have a real fireplace. With wood.
Me: I don’t think that's a real word.
Courtney: Wood? I assure you it is
Me: Did you need something or just trying to be a pain in the ass?
Courtney: I’ll be at your door in two minutes. It’s cold as fuck out here so turn that shitty fireplace up and have the door open