Page 59 of Wrapped in Winter
“He wanted to be ‘wrapped in winter with his only love’.” She smiles and my heart constricts. “He was such a romantic. I think I miss that the most. A man who is free with his love is one to be treasured, January.”
We sip from our drinks and I sit replaying Drake’s words of how he speaks what he feels.
“Would you do it differently knowing you'd lose him so soon?” She looks at me and even I’m caught off guard by my own question.
“I was a widow before I was forty years old. I had four teenage children that suddenly became fatherless. Right now I’ve lived almost as long without him than I did with him. But no. I wouldn’t do anything differently, January. Your father gave me the four best gifts anyone could ever get. And he loved me big every day since that first day in the diner.”
“I miss him.”
“I know you do.”
“I’m sorry for leaving.” I whisper it and try to stop the tears from falling. Lily looks up at me quickly before going back to her drawing.
Mom reaches across the table and covers my hand with hers. “I understand, January. Believe me when I say I understand. I wanted to run, too. I wanted to be anywhere but here, in this house, this town. It hurt so bad. I don't blame you. But I’m so happy you came home.”
She brushes the hair from my daughter's face and I think how much she looks like my dad. “That picture is beautiful, Lily. Where did you learn to draw like that?”
“It’s the picture on Drake’s arm!” I squint at the picture realizing it’s a pink flower.
“Seems someone else is fascinated by him, too.” She gives me a knowing look pulling my eyes from the picture.
“And that's what I'm afraid of, mom. I’ve lost so much, I can’t do it again. And I can’t do it to her.” I mouth the words, nodding to Lily.
“Don’t put pressure on yourself. Or him. It’s already unfolding the way it should, embrace it. Remember what dad said. The thawing of winter brings about a new day. You deserve a new day.”
I nod, wiping at the tears. “And if that new day begins in a bar bathroom, I say go with it.” She giggles as I look at her with wide eyes.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe them.” I cover my face and shake my head and mom laughs louder.
“Nothing you can say or do will ever shock me. I’m happy for you, January. From what your sisters told me, I hear he’s a nice guy.”
“Too nice.”
“Not that nice if what they said is true.” She winks at me and I want to die right here in my chair. I’ve never talked about sex with my mother and at thirty years old, I wasn't planning to start today. But hearing her tell her story and it seeming to be close to the one I’m living right now, makes me feel good about moving forward.
Chapter 25
January
It must be love.
I've never had it before but this feeling is different. The first night was different. And after spending time with my mom and hearing her speak about falling in love with my dad, I’m ready to let it happen for me. I deserve to let it happen, for both myself and Lily.
I’ve been strong for so long I didn't realize I was actually happy now.
I set the table, turned the lights down and lit the candles. Lily is having a sleepover with Blossom tonight and I’m ready to tell Drake I’m all in. I don’t know what that looks like or what it will sound like asking him to be my boyfriend, if that’s something that’s even done anymore, but I'm ready to make it official.
I hear his truck pull in and I check my reflection in the mirror before running to the front door. When I hear him trudge up the porch steps in his boots, I open the door before he can knock.
“Were you watching me out the window?”
“I heard that obnoxious truck of yours.”
”You love it.” He walks in and I close the door behind him as he takes his coat off and kicks off his boots. “It’s so cold out. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.”
“You’ll get used to it. The summers are amazing here and makes up for the cold.”
“It’s going to be some deep thaw for that.” He stops me as I walk down the hallway, backing me up against the wall. “I missed you today.”