Page 48 of Wrapped in Winter

Me: I have to work.

Drake: Where’s Pretty Lily?

Me: With her grandma.

Drake: I’ll be there in ten.

Drake: If I get there and the door is unlocked, you’re getting a spanking.

Me: Dramatic.

Drake: Caring.

I stare down at my phone before sliding it back on the counter. I close my eyes and inhale deep, letting the memories flood in.

I've found myself thinking a lot about Sean since meeting Drake. The difference between them is night and day. And I know I shouldn’t be comparing, especially because Sean was not the nice guy he originally portrayed, but I can’t stop wondering if I have it in me to try again.

This time around means so much more since it’s not just about me. I have to worry about Lily and letting someone into her life.

Life with Sean was exciting. He took me to exclusive, fancy places and spent money like it meant nothing. It was glamorous, and I thought I was in love. We were together for quite some time, and he spoke about our future but never about getting married. At that point in time, I didn't really care, I guess. I was young and into partying and couldn't see past the night ahead.

But the moment I found out I was pregnant, it was like a light went off in my head. Everything he said felt different. It didn’t feel like concern, it felt like control. Before that, when I wanted to see Courtney, he’d make plans with his friends and insist I go with them. And he hated Jack. Which was fine, because I didn’t much like Jack then either. He was working all hours of the day, going to dinner with clients at night, and Courtney was home alone with their son. Joey was six months old when Courtney began talking about moving back home. She told me she hated being by herself, and even started dropping hints about how I was leaving her alone too.

So I convinced her Jack was an asshole and she should go back to Wintervale.

A few months after she left, I found out I was pregnant. When I told Courtney, she was happy for me but also scared I’d wind up in the same lonely spot as her.“Sean isn’t like Jack,”I told her.“He doesn’t leave me home alone, and is always making plans to take me out.”Only that wasn’t true, not by then at least. The minute I told Sean I was pregnant, all the attention he paid me stopped. He made plans on his own, always telling me it was work related, and he’d bring me home something to eat.

The morning he died, we had a big fight. I told him my brother was coming to town and I wanted to see him. Sean insisted Lief was coming to convince me to leave him. He said I was better off without my family, not being the one responsible for them. He even told me to stop calling my mother because she was nothing but a downer, always bringing up stories about my dad.

I know now that he was trying to distance me from them and make me more dependent on him. And the same reasons I told Courtney to leave, were happening to me. I told him I was going to see my brother no matter what he said, and that's when I saw Sean for who he was.

“You’ll call your brother now and tell him I’m taking you on vacation. You won’t see him, and he won’t have a chance to talk you into leaving me.”

“Why would he do that?”

“You’re pregnant with my child. You won’t be leaving my sight.”

“They don’t even know I’m pregnant and no one said anything about leaving, Sean. What are you talking about?”

“I hear you talking, you know. You think with all my money, I don’t have cameras in this place?”

My heart sank, and for the first time, I was fearful of him.

“You'll never leave me, January.”

He slammed the door and walked out. I ran to the bedroom, shaking and crying and knowing I was going to have to make a tough decision, but I had no idea how to do it.

Seems life had other plans for me.

I packed two bags and sat at the dining room table waiting for Sean to come home. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to say; if I was going to give an ultimatum or just simply say I was leaving. I was preparing myself for the venom he would spew, but I would take it if it meant I’d free my baby and me from him.

My phone began to ring with a local number, but one I didn’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“This is Dr. May from West Side General Hospital. May I speak with January Nilsson please?”

My heart began to beat rapidly. “This is her. What happened?”