Page 20 of Wrapped in Winter
“Why do you ask that?”
“Because grief knows grief. I usually get a different look when I tell people about my sister. The look you gave me, well, it’s one of recognition, not sympathy.”
She's quiet for a moment and I let her get her thoughts together. “I do sympathize with you, but yes, it is recognition. I lost my dad when I was fifteen, and then I lost my daughter's father when I was twenty-six.”
I watch her and my heart beats fast in my chest. She laughs and points at me. “That face! There’s the look I get! Get rid of it right now!”
She chuckles and I give a smile. “It’s not sympathy for you. It’s for Lily.”
“Well Lily wasn’t even born yet, so she doesn’t know what she missed.” She says it quickly and without feeling, and it gives me pause.
I want to tell her my sister’s name was Lily. But I think we’ve done too much already. So I try to bring us back to the present.
“That got pretty heavy for a first date. Maybe we should regroup in the bathroom?”
She shakes her head at me and looks over her menu.
“Thank you for sharing that. It’s been a while since I’ve had to explain anything to anyone, and knowing you already understand made it a bit easier.”
She nods. “I get that.”
The waiter comes by and we place our orders. A minute later, he comes back with a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“Allow me?” I pour her a glass and one for me. Picking mine up, I tap her glass to it. “To finding a cougar!”
“Hey! That’s a toast for you; we need one for us!”
“We’re anusalready? Should I book a church?”
She’s still holding her glass, and her smile gets wider and her eyes shine. “You’ve got a line for everything, don’t you?”
I shrug. “Just saying what comes to mind.” I lean in. “Okay, how aboutto the beauty of new beginnings.”
“I like it.” We clink our glasses, and she sips from her hers. “I’m surprised you showed up tonight. I figured after finding out I have a daughter, there’d be some excuse to not go out.”
“Need I remind you, I knew about Lily before I asked you out. And finding out about her doesn't make you less appealing. In fact, it makes you more.”
“Appealing isn't a word used for me.”
“No?”
“No. I'm the sister with the rotten attitude.”
“Could’ve fooled me. I found no attitude. Maybe I fucked it out of you.” She scoffs and drops her eyes from me. “Why do you act shocked by my language? I heard some colorful words come from you that night too.”
She shakes her head but doesn't say anything.
“I see you for you, January. You can't hide from me. Need knows need.”
She watches me, swirling her glass. I should probably stop pushing, but I feel like she needs this, I feel like we’re already attached, so why not go further? She wants someone to be blunt with her.
“I think you've got a side you don't want people to see. Your reserved act is just that.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, it's why I've got a child out of wedlock. Reserved isn't a word they call me around here.”
“Married or not, you’re hiding and you shouldn't be.”
She studies me, selecting her words carefully. She gave a lot, and now she’s pulling back again. “Being the new guy, you should be concerned with who you spend your time with. This town will eat you alive in its gossip train.”