Page 120 of Modern Romance January 2025 5-8

“It is not because of work ethic,” he said. “Not because of a need to succeed. It is simply that my sister is no longer alive. And if I don’t do something, if I don’t make something of myself, of my life, or destroy what remains of my father, what was the purpose of anything?”

“I don’t know.” She felt immeasurably sad, a sense of dread hollowing out her chest. “I don’t know. It’s something I certainly haven’t figured out. All I know to do is to keep going.”

She looked down at the kingdom blanket, at her hand, so close to his. But not touching. Not now that they didn’t have to.

“Maybe we don’t have to solve any of life’s mysteries right now. Maybe you just need to heal.”

He snorted. “I have never sat idle.”

“You don’t really have a choice. Your body is sort of commanding that you do it. So maybe you need to listen. Maybe you need to heed the lesson.”

“Maybe you are too.”

She snapped her head around to look at him. “I’m sorry what?”

“Maybe you are meant to rest.”

“I’m taking care of you.”

“I suppose it is in your best interest to make sure I don’t fall and hit my head. Again.”

“Who knows, maybe another knock on the head would cure you.”

“I very much doubt it.”

She stared at the side of his face. “Are you really suggesting that I take a rest?”

“Well, you asked me, what is my life if I’m not trying to defeat my father? I don’t know the answer to that question. But what is your life. If not putting a great distance between yourself and who you once were?”

Auggie didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m not doing that consciously.”

But here, sitting in the space that was so reminiscent of being a caregiver all those years ago, she felt uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. She felt trapped, in many ways. She felt afraid. Like she was never actually going to find her way out of this. Like she was regressed. So maybe he was right. Maybe that was her life. Putting as much distance between herself and the scared girl she had been.

Except... No. He was right. It was why she had never slowed down to take a lover, or sightsee when she was doing business travels, or any of the other very normal things that most people her age did, and had done.

She had her friends. She loved them dearly. But she had gathered them up on her way forward, and they had helped propel her. She didn’t only love them for what they did for her, but the fact remained, they had been part of her goals. And when was the last time she had done anything that wasn’t about... Those goals. Getting somewhere new, somewhere further away. Somewhere exciting. It had been him. The night that she had spent with him had been the one nod to herself as a whole woman, to just feeling good, to just enjoying life.

It had been the only time.

“Well, I guess there were worse things than taking a break here in a beautiful home.”

“Is it beautiful?”

“You’ve been here before. You could see when we arrived.”

“Still. Where are we sitting now?”

She began to unpack their sandwiches. “We are sitting beneath a sweeping, green willow tree. The leaves are light green. We are sitting on a blue kingdom blanket. The grass is darker than the willow tree. I steered us around the clutch of white flowers that we might have sat in. But they’re there. Off in the distance. Not so close that they’ll get their softness all over you. The sky is uncharacteristically blue. The clouds are round and fat and white. It is a glorious day. Perfect.”

“I smell the flowers.”

“They’re sweet,” she said.

“I don’t think I can remember ever pausing to smell flowers before in my life.”

“You know, I don’t think I have either.” She blinked, her eyes stinging. “Actually, I can remember spending a great deal of time trying to get the scent of too many flowers out of my nose. When my mother went into hospice. And old, well-meaning friends sent bouquets. Mostly, those flowers that you get sent from online florists just don’t smell very good. It is the same as this. But it is nice to have some of the glorious outside brought in I suppose. When it’s the only way you’re ever going to experience it again.”

“They sent flowers, but did anybody come and help you?”