Page 58 of From Coast to Coast

Zolkov stares at me, surprised. I wait him out for a few seconds before opening the stairwell door. Instead of turning back to the elevator, he joins me.

“You can take the elevator,” I tell him as he begins to follow me up the first flight of stairs.

“I did not know that you were scared of small things.” I laugh, but don’t bother to correct him. Small things, small spaces—close enough. “I thought you were just fitness man, like Nichols.”

That gets another laugh.Fitness man. I’m going to have to tell Grayson about that one.

“I’m not crazy claustrophobic or anything. It’s just certain things like elevators and even stairwells aren’t super great.” I gesture to the cement walls. “But since I’m able to move in here, it’s mostly okay. Some people get claustrophobic on airplanes, but I do fine with those. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. Just one of those things that sneaks up on you.”

“Interesting,” is all he says back, before we simply climb in silence.

When we get to the twelfth floor, I gesture down the right side of the hallway toward my room. “You want to chill for a bit? Or are you going out with the guys?”

Zolkov makes a disgusted face and says something in Russian that was probably as rude as it sounded. In English, he replies: “No, I am sick of this team tonight. Bed, I think.”

“Me too.”After I talk to Grayson, of course, but Z probably doesn’t need to know that.“Talk to you tomorrow, Z.”

The moment I get into my room, I stretch out on my bed and call Grayson. I don’t quite have it in me to do a video calltonight, but I desperately need to hear his deep, soothing voice. Putting the phone on speaker, I rest it on my chest and wait for him to answer. It rings all the way to the end before he picks up, slightly out of breath.

“Remy? Hey.”

“You good?”

“Yeah, sorry, just getting back home,” he tells me, drawing my attention to the background noises. Closing my eyes, I picture him walking inside, flipping a couple lights on, and kicking off his shoes. He’ll probably go get a glass of water from the kitchen and drink it standing next to the sink, weight on his left hip, like I’ve seen him do dozens of times. It’s possible I watched him a little closely while we were living together.

“From practice?” Colorado is two hours behind South Carolina, but even so—that would be a pretty late practice.

“No, I went out to dinner with Corey and Jake.”

I’m not proud of the way my immediate reaction to this sentence is white-hot, molten jealously. I hate the way he says CoreyandJake—familiar and easy.Fuck off, Corey and Jake.

“Oh, cool,” I say, even though I sort of hope Corey and Jake get salmonella poisoning from the restaurant.

“Remy.” Grayson laughs. “Those are my teammates. We’re just friends. You know Corey Major and Jake Lancaster, right?”

“Not personally, but yeah, I’ve heard of them.” Everyone has heard of them. They’re two of the players who came out as queer on the heels of Troy Nichols’ announcement.

“Well, Corey is in a long-term relationship, and Jake has a girlfriend, so there’s no need to be jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” I protest, even though I am 100% fucking jealous.

“Okay.”

“I’m not.”

“So, when I tell you that I was asked out by our bartender at the restaurant, you’re not going to be jealous? You’re going to tell me to go out with him?”

He’s teasing me—there is an unmistakable smile in his voice and a playful tone to the words. Even so, I can’t help the way my throat feels tight and my eyes burn at the thought of him going out with that bartender. Would the bartender touch him? Kiss him goodnight? Would he take him to a steakhouse even though Grayson doesn’t like most red meat? I sort of hope the bartender gets salmonella as well. Maybe E. coli for good measure.

“Of course, you should go. If you want to go out with him, don’t let me hold you back.”

I curse the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth. But what the hell else can I say? No, Gray, I want you to not date anyone until I figure out how I want to move forward with our relationship. Maybe I’ll figure it out in a month, maybe in a year, but who knows—that’s okay, right? You don’t mind waiting?

Grayson lets out a small exhalation, like he’s disappointed in me. I’m disappointed in me too, still unsure of where those words even came from and panicked now because I can’t un-say them. I open my mouth to call the words back, but he talks before I get the chance.

“How was the game tonight? Looks like it was close.”

“Yeah. That baby tender is pretty good. Carter Morgan? Kid was on fire tonight. If he plays like that all season, he won’t have any trouble earning the top spot.”