Page 26 of From Coast to Coast
“Here’s the thing—I don’t think I want anyone else.” He gestures between us. “This is obviously new to me. I like talking to you though, and I’ve got to be honest—I was starting to…notice you, before I figured out you were Brody. I figured I was just seeing you in a different way because I’d been exploring that side of myself, but, Gray…I don’t think that’s it. I think I just likeyou.”
I inhale a breath that feels like knives in the lungs. He’slooking at me steadily, chest rising and falling with each slow breath. I really wish he’d gone back and put a shirt on. It’s nearly impossible to make an informed, levelheaded decision when he’s half-naked and telling me he likes me.
“So…what? You do actually want to go out on Wednesday?” I ask, laughing incredulously. “Hold hands? Kiss goodnight before going to our separate bedrooms? Come out to the team and let HR know we’re together?”
I make sure to inject the appropriate level of disbelief into my tone. Judging by the way Remy’s eyebrows have climbed his forehead, he hears me loud and clear.
“Damn, Grayson, I never took you for a cynic.”
“Listen…I thought I was picking up a random stranger. Us being teammates is a big fucking hurdle to clear, okay? Not to mention, this is your first experience with men, right? If anything happens between us, it could fuck our friendship up in ways that can’t be repaired.”
He sighs and looks away from me, scrubbing a hand over the bottom of his jaw. He looks disappointed and my first instinct is to walk back what I said. But I can’t, because I’m fuckingright. Screwing around with a teammate is a bad idea, and him being a baby bi makes the situation even more precarious. I don’t know him well enough to trust him implicitly—he could cause me a world of trouble with management by complaining about me. I’ve got enough trouble with this team as it is. I don’t need to go looking for more.
“You’re right.” He sighs again, but his mouth slants into another small grin so I know he’s not too mad. “I’m not going to lie though. I was hoping you’d be into a friends-with-benefits situation.”
Blood pools in my pelvis and I’m glad for thecounter blocking the lower half of my body from view. Iaminto a friends-with-benefits situation. But—unfortunately for me—I’m also not an idiot, and getting involved in a sexual relationship with Remy Stone would be the pinnacle of stupidity. I’ve already done the closeted, secret hookup life. I’ve come out not only to a select few people, but the world. Remy, for all his talk about liking me, is so new to this world he hasn’t even gotten started.
“Listen, maybe I can still help you out. We can go out to a gay bar or something. I’ll be your wingman,” I offer. His mouth quirks up in another half-smile.
“Yeah?” he asks hopefully.
“Sure. We’ll have to go to some obscure-ass place though. We don’t want anybody recognizing us.”
“Mm. Secret gay club. I bet we can find one.” He perks up a little bit, swiping his phone off of the counter and tapping away as though he’s searching for gay clubs right now. He glances back up at me. “So, Wednesday?”
“Sure,” I agree. “Wednesday.”
I have quitea few regrets in my life, but right now the biggest one is inviting Zolkov to join Remy and me at the club tonight. He thinks we’re going for me and not Remy, which is fine, but also means he’s likely going to be throwing men my way all night. And, frankly, I’m not interested. After finding out Ree was actually Remy, I’ve had a hard time keeping myself firmly on the “he’s off-limits” path.
Remy is there—right fucking there, all the fucking time. I see him in the morning when he comes out of his bedroom wearing nothing but silky basketball shorts and morningscruff. I see him at video review, practice, and games. I see him at dinner when he sits at the island and watches me cook. Did he do all of these things before? Absolutely. But he’s no longer my straight roommate and friend—he’s my bi-curious roommate and friend who has jacked off to a picture of me.
He’s been the star of a disturbing number of fantasies and dreams, as though my subconscious has decided he is the one and only man for me. To say things have been stressful the past couple of days is an understatement.
“You are driving, yes?” Zolkov asks, tugging his shirt down over his chest and grinning at me. I roll my eyes.
“Yes, Z, I’ll pick you up. Why are all of my friends freeloaders?”
“Hey,” Remy protests from my other side. “I don’t even have a car here. He does.”
Ignoring him, I continue addressing Zolkov. “You don’t have to come tonight, you know. I don’t think a gay club is really going to be your scene.”
I keep my voice pitched low so that nobody else in the room can hear the words “gay club” and have their masculinity threatened. My friend looks at me incredulously.
“Of course I am coming,” he says. “I will not miss seeing Grayson in a club. Dancing.”
“I’m not going to dance,” I protest, but Zolkov only shrugs and knocks into my shoulder on his way past me to the exit.
“Pick me up at eight, yes?”
The way he practically shouts this across the locker room has several heads swiveling in our direction. Petterson shakes his head, grimacing, and exchanges a look with someone across the room from him.God, fuck these guys.
“Sure, Z,” I respond in an even tone that completely disguises the fact that I am starting to hate everybody in this room and on this team.
As usual, I’m changed and ready to go faster than Remy is, so I sit down in front of my stall, tuck my chin, and pretend to find my cell phone riveting. Really, though, I sit and stew about the fact that there is nothing I can do to help my current situation. No amount of work on my part will convince my teammates that being gay doesn’t mean I’m attracted to every dick I see. These people knew me before I came out, and still can’t work beyond their prejudices, so nothing I can say at this point will change that.
“You guys going out tonight?” Gordon asks from across the room, projecting in a way that makes my skin prickle with the awareness that he’s talking to me. I look up, meeting his eyes.
“Yeah,” I answer, but leave it at that even though he’s smiling at me and is one of the few guys here who hasn’t changed how he treats me. I’m hyperaware of everyone in the room listening in.