Page 15 of From Coast to Coast

Brody

Well, I’m not sure if this qualifies as a dirty secret, or if it’s more of a humiliating one. I’m in the midst of a two-year dry spell.

Ree

How??

Brody

Disinterest. Time. Work. A lot of reasons, I guess. No connection with anyone and I’m not usually a casual-sex guy.

Ree

Disinterest?? Listen, I thought I was straight as a fucking arrow until I stumbled upon your profile. You’re so hot you’re recruiting for the other team.

I laugh into the silence of my empty bedroom, shaking my head and grinning at my phone. I’m glad he’s making jokes. Whether it was his intention or not, I feel less embarrassed than I did a few moments ago.

Brody

My job makes it hard to meet people, sometimes.

Ree

I notice you didn’t put your job title in your bio.

Brody

I noticed the same thing about you.

He doesn’t respond right away, and I wonder if he’s trying to find a way to sidestep the job talk. Ishouldn’t have even brought it up since there is no way in hell I’ll be telling him I play for the NHL. There’s a slim chance he won’t recognize me if we do end up meeting in person, but not a chance I’d put money on. Canada is a hockey country, and being an out gay player has only made me more recognizable. I can’t even walk through a grocery store without somebody gawking at me these days.

Ree

Yeah, I’m probably going to play the job thing a little close to the chest. At least for now, sorry.

Brody

Same.

Ree

Kinda a bummer though, because now I don’t get to hear about what made your day at work so good.

Brody

Haha eh, nothing that special. Just connected well with a coworker and got to do something I don’t usually get to do. My boss has been leaning on me pretty hard recently, and narrowing my scope of practice. Today was different, and it felt good.

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I read through what I wrote and check it for slip-ups. It seems fine. It seems like I’m talking about any old nine-to-five, and not a hockey player ragging on his coaching staff. I almost laugh out loud when I reread “narrowing my scope of practice.” Accurate, if by narrowing I mean completely cutting me off at the knees. I’d tried giving Coach the benefit of the doubt afterI came out to the league, thinking maybe he was just playing me less until the media storm backed off.

But now, several years later, I’m still playing on the third line and have half the amount of ice time that I used to get. My teammates don’t pass me the puck if they can get it to anybody else, and nobody has my back in a scrum. It’s a good thing I don’t pay attention to my own press—I can only imagine the field day the media has been having with my plummeting stats. Over the summer I’d told my agent I was open to a trade, but if I ever did leave Calgary, I doubt I’d be able to sign with a new team for even half of what I’m worth.

Annoyed now, I lock my phone and scrub my hands over my face. I meant what I’d said to Remy, earlier. I’m so fuckingtiredof this. I just want to play hockey. Unfortunately, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be allowed even that if I stay here. My phone buzzes, but I give myself a few more moments to compose myself before I check it. Perhaps part of the problem these past two years has been me—hockey, once a safe space for me, has become so fraught with anxiety that it’s seeping into my normal life as well. No wonder nobody sticks around to date me.

Ree

I actually just started a new job. Not sure it’s going to be for me. Only one good guy in the bunch, as far as I can tell.

Brody