Page 97 of Down Beat

Great. And now she’s here.

“Nothing.” I stoop down to salvage what I can of my ruined hair product, bundling it in my palm with the dregs of my pride as I refuse to look at Tabby.

“Something’s obviously wrong.” She looks pointedly at the ruins in my hands, the cock of her head clear in my periphery. “Can I help?”

And there it goes—my last strand of rationality.

“I don’t know, can you?” I holler at her, while my subconscious screams at me to stop, to calm down and to relax. “That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it? Can you fix this?” I yank at my hair before messing it up with both palms.

She stands stoic in the doorway, silent while I meltdown, crying internally at myself to stop.

It’s been a while. I knew it was coming. I had hoped it wouldn’t be today, was all.

The tap slips in my grasp as I try to crank the water on to wash my hands. Tabby steps forward to help… forward into my lava bubble of self-hatred.

“No. I can do it.”

“Just let me—”

“I said I can do it!” My voice reverberates off the shiny surfaces, deafening.

She retreats a step, watching quietly while I use a hand towel to get the tap on. The wax predictably repels the water, which means the cleanup takes a painfully long time. My heartbeat pulses through my veins.

She’s not convinced I can handle this, and I don’t blame her. I can see it in the set of her eyebrows as she punches her arms over her chest.

“What?” I mutter.

“Got it out of your system yet?”

“Nope.”

“What set you off?” Her question is carefully delivered.

The towel rubs hard against my skin as I scrub the last of the wax off my fingers. “You.”

I turn my head to look at her when she remains silent. Her brow is pinched, the anger there to see. I get it. I asked her here, spouting off how I couldn’t be without her. And I still can’t. But what confuses me no end is why that is when her presence only makes me more frustrated at what I’ve become.

I push past her, my shoulder knocking hers as I head into the bedroom and retrieve my wallet and phone. She stays leaning against the bathroom door with her back to me while I punch them in my pockets.

“Maybe you should take that walk, Tabitha. Probably be a good idea if you didn’t come back, either.” Not when I’m like this.

Not even twenty-four hours and I’ve already done it.

I’ve already brought her down to my level.

Aaand… this is where they leave.