Page 80 of Down Beat

THIRTY

Tabitha

“Smells Like Teen Spirit” - Nirvana

Kendall’s gaze skims over Rey as he stands at the window, phone to his ear while he seemingly talks Toby off a ledge.

“You,” she hisses under her breath, finger pointing toward the hall. “Bedroom. Now.”

I lead her into my room, well aware she wants privacy so she can grill me about what the hell went down in our pokey little apartment.

Truth? I kissed a guy. And it was more than just a kiss. It was… it was a reintroduction.

I met the real Rey. The vulnerable Rey. The guy who parades around with his mask of fierceness on, lest somebody see the truth: he barely holds on.

“What the fuck, Tab?” Kendall ditches her purse next to the door before starting on her coat. “Spill. Everything. Now.”

I shrug, not ready to give her all of it. Rey shared some pretty personal things. Things that I’ll keep from my best friend, even, out of respect for him. “He needed a break.”

“You realize his promoters are spewing over the change.” She stands staunch, arms folded. “He might be their best asset, but he needs to remember everyone can be replaced.”

“No they can’t,” I snap. “People aren’t expendable, Kendall.”

You can’t replace someone in their entirety. You can find a suitable substitute, sure. Somebody who can get the job done. But people are unique. Everybody holds that special mix of traits that make them who they are. And that is why we love them: because they make us feel a certain way, or act a certain way. You can’t successfully replicate or replace a person, otherwise why would we grieve?

“What’s going on here, hon?” She leans a shoulder against the doorframe, giving the hallway a quick glance.

“He needs help,” I explain as my ass hits the side of the bed. “You heard him sing, heard that pain. I don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes with the tour, but he came here because he seems to think I can help him turn his mindset around.”

“Can you?” Kendall asks softly. “And should you? You’ve known the guy personally all of a week.”

“Almost two.”

“Whatever. It’s not very long, Tab. Why you?”

I shrug. I’ve asked myself the same question all day. Why me? “I guess only he knows that. All I know is I can’t in good conscience turn away a man who is crying out for help. What kind of a person would that make me?”

Kendall sighs, her lips pressed in a flat line. “One who knows her limits, I guess.” She glances to the floor, arms folded. “Where will it leave you?” Her head turns as she checks we’re still in the clear. “How do you feel about this? Why do you want to do it, other than moral guilt?”

I study the carpet, embarrassed to admit the truth for fear it makes me sound like just another groupie. “I like the guy, Kendall. Behind all that public bullshit, there’s a really genuine man.”

“Or so he wants you to think.”

“He said he’d talk to their boss and see if I can open some shows again.” God, that sounds so lame out loud. I have no doubt he’ll ask, but do I really think that a label will throw some unknown in the mix on the whim of their rebellious front man?

“You think he’s telling the truth about that?”

I lift my gaze to hers. “I don’t know for sure, but I hope so. I have to at least give it a try, right?”

She huffs out her nose, seemingly as torn as I am. “What now? He doesn’t think he’s welcome to stay here, does he?”

“I don’t know. Why? Would that be a problem?” Why is she so anti-Rey? What has Toby told her?

“I’m just saying that maybe it would be in his best interest if we managed to convince him to get on a plane back to the tour tonight.” She lifts her hands, palms showing.

“Tabby?”

“He will,” I whisper to Kendall as I stand. Rey’s footfalls head our way. “He was online doing exactly that, sorting tickets, before you walked in from work.”