Page 153 of Down Beat
Still—independence doesn’t pay the bills. Stubbornly holding out for that one niche opportunity doesn’t feed me week to week. Sure, I’ve just received an unexpected lump sum thanks to Rey, but that won’t last long with all the creditors knocking on our door.
Time to grow up, Tabby. Time to swallow the bitter pill that is admitting my parents were right: I can’t make a career out of playing my violin.
At least not as a solo artist.
“The audition is Thursday night,” I read aloud to Kendall. “Apparently I can play what I want, as long as it’s one of the traditional pieces.”
“Go. Knock their socks off.” Kendall places a kiss to the top of my head before making her way to the hall. “It’s a stepping stone, babe. Not the end.”
Maybe not, but then why does it feel as though by doing this I finally shut the door on everything I worked for the past four years?
My gaze drifts to the check, sitting on the end of the counter ready for me to bank today. I should say thank you. No matter how I feel about the guy, Rey has helped me out more than once now without any real return. Heartbreak and regret are no excuse for bad manners, really.
I exit the mail app and tap through to Messenger with my heart in my throat. The thread sits empty, reminding me that I’ll never know what he said the day I left. Although… Kendall knows.
I slip off the stool and make my way to her bedroom, where she sits on the bed tugging her jeans on.
“You need help?” I tease.
She snorts a laugh, falling to her back to hoist her hips in the air as she yanks on the denim. “No. I’ve got it.”
“Hey. Do you remember what the messages from Rey said before you deleted it?”
She jerks upright with a frown on her face. “Why?”
“Curious, is all.”
Her lips twist as she stands to hook the stud. “I don’t remember exactly what he said, but I know it was something about how you were the best liar he’d ever met. He seemed angry that you’d tricked him.”
“Logical, given what I did.” I lean a shoulder against her doorframe.
“It was a good thing you asked me to delete them, really.” She smiles softly. “They were quite harsh, the things he said. All things considered.”
Probably warranted too. I ripped his heart out by walking away when I promised I wouldn’t. I became exactly like every other person that had let him down in the past.
Why did he help me, then?
“Thanks, babe.”
I cross the hall to my room, nudging the door closed behind me. My violin case catches my eye as I walk in, reminding me of the decision I have to make. Do I persist? Or do I settle? My heart says to keep fighting for what I want most, yet my head says that at some point I have to admit defeat.
The issue admittedly takes some of the pressure away from messaging Rey, which is a bonus. My subconscious is so preoccupied with the decision that I don’t have space to overthink what I’m going to say to him.
T: The mail brought me a bit of a surprise today. Thank you for including me. I really appreciate your generosity.
I read and reread the blue bubble that sits on my screen. God, I sound so formal. I’m right back where I started with him—cold and professional.
The screen flicks to black, the green and red icons at the bottom for me to accept or decline his video call. Fuck it all—I cry. After everything, he still wants to see me.
“Hey.” I keep the camera off myself until I’ve finished dabbing the unshed tears from my eyes.
He drops a loaded sigh before talking. “Fuck, kitty.”
Look at the screen, Tab. You can do it. My next breath catches in my throat, my heart pounding so hard I can feel the pulse point in my wrist as I pivot the phone.
Ruined. I’m utterly ruined. He has the phone propped up on something, his head in his hands, face hidden, as he leans toward the screen. Damn, I’ve missed this.
I’ve missed him.