Page 117 of Down Beat

He nods, and then turns for the door.

I watch him leave, a weight lifting from my shoulders only to settle in my chest as he shuts the door behind him.

What the hell am I doing here? His promise of getting me onstage again has all but vanished, the theory that we’d work on music together non-existent. And yet I stay.

Why? What have I done to actually help him?

I get comfy on the sofa with the room service menu and dial Kendall on speaker.

“Hey, babe.”

“Heya.”

She sighs at my flat response. “How are things on the road, then?”

Lonely. “Odd.”

“Odd? How?”

Because I never know what Rey I’m going to get, or what the hell I’m doing. “I’ve spent most of my time so far hanging out at the hotel.”

Kendall sighs. “I know I was a right bitch when you left but.…” She huffs. “I don’t know. Something didn’t sit right about him.”

“I don’t think anything sits right with him.”

Those moments the morning after his meltdown in the last hotel room—magic. But that guy? He’s the exception rather than the norm, it seems.

“Do you think it helps, though? Having you there?”

“Maybe.”

He was a right jackass at the Starbucks, mocking those fans who had the guts to come up and meet him. Not to mention the cocky attitude I got on the walk back. But then give him an hour to unwind and he’s all cuddles and warmth again.

I can’t tell anymore what’s real, and what’s not.

I just want the genuine guy to come back again, even if his honesty does scare the shit out of me.

“Babe,” Kendall says with a sigh. “If this trip doesn’t help him, then you’ve got to ask yourself why you’re doing it. What about your career, huh? You’ve stalled it, all to tag along with his.”

“I know.” She doesn’t tell me anything I haven’t already thought over a thousand times.

“Has he done what he said he would?” she presses. “Will you get stage time again?”

“I want to say yes …”

“But nobody’s talking about it, so it’s probably not happening, right?” She sighs. “Why are you doing this, babe?”

“I don’t know,” I whine. “I can’t explain why, but I feel as though this is what I’m supposed to be doing.”

Silence lingers between us. I know she’s still there by the background noise, yet she seems just as stuck as I do.

“I need a favor,” I say carefully. “Can you please message me Toby’s number?”

“Why?” I pick up the change in sound as she switches me to speaker.

“I asked him if I could talk about Rey, and since they’re always around each other, he said that might be the easiest way to do it.”

“Why didn’t he just give you the number himself?”