Page 115 of Down Beat
FORTY-TWO
Tabitha
“Love the Way You Hate Me” – Like A Storm
“Can I ask a favor?” I press my hands tight in my lap as I lean toward Toby.
He sets his takeaway cup down and glances to where Rey and Kris smoke on the balcony before settling his gaze on me. “Sure.”
“Do you think there’d be a way we could talk in private?”
His shoulders drop as he leans back into his seat and shifts focus to the cup. “Have you asked him?”
“Asked him what?” I say, well aware he talks about Rey.
“Whatever you want to know from me.” He watches the vessel turn in his hand.
I knew this was a bad idea. After all, they’re blood. Of course he’ll stay loyal to Rey.
“Forget I said anything, okay?” I turn in my seat to stand, yet his hand over mine stills me.
Rey stares through the glass slider at us both and frowns.
Toby shifts, sitting tall so he can lean both elbows on the table. “Maybe I could get Rick to ask to see you so eagle-eyes over there isn’t too suspicious.”
I make a point of not looking toward Rey again, well aware the more I glance his way the guiltier I look. “If you’re sure. If you’d rather not, I get that. I mean we hardly know each other.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know about you, but I can pick an asshole when I see one, and you, Tabby, aren’t an asshole.”
“Gosh. You’re so sweet,” I tease.
He chuckles. “Rey asked you here for a reason, and I know my brother well enough to trust he has the best intentions. So if I can possibly do something that helps to keep him happy as well, then I’ll give it a try.”
I fail at keeping my focus on the table and glance to Rey. He laughs at something Kris says, but the dull look in his eye immediately after concerns me. How much of this calm, this ease, is a put on?
He said it himself the other night: the thoughts are still there, he’s just not focused on them.
“What happened that first time?” I lean my head on one hand, elbow propped on the table as I face Toby.
He sighs, thumb picking at the ridges of the cardboard cup. “Have you looked us up online?”
“A little. Yeah. I read a few stories about the band.”
He shakes his head. “Not us, as in Dark Tide, but us as in each of us. Our personal accounts.”
“Oh.” I wriggle my fingers so they thread through my hair. “Just Rey, which led me to Emery. But that’s about it.”
He glances my way, before returning his focus to the growing pile of cardboard dust beneath his cup. “Well, if you had you’d know that you can’t find me.” He presses his lips together. “I hate the internet. I tolerate it for what we have to use it for, business, but I avoid it otherwise.”
“That shows some incredible self-control in this day and age,” I muse.
“It’s not hard,” he says flatly. “Not after that first attempt you asked about.”
I stay silent, allowing him the space to either continue or choose to end the conversation there without any pressure from me.
He closes his eyes and rubs a hand over his face before deciding to carry on. “He researched online how to gas yourself; carbon monoxide.” Toby’s gaze flicks to the balcony, most likely to check Rey still remains out of earshot. “Idiot went for a drive after school and set it all up.” He shakes his head in disbelief, focus still on his brother. “I don’t know why, but I just had this feeling, this gut instinct that told me something wasn’t right. Rey didn’t have a lot of friends in school, so it was sort of unusual for him to go anywhere for any length of time after.”
“He said you found him.”