Page 43 of Tough Love
He slides to his knees, the equipment on his belt making a rattling noise as he shuffles across the floor to stop before me. “Mimi …”
“No.” I shake my head, refusing to look at him.
“Mimi.”
I relent, easing my head around until I stare into those eyes that never once held an ounce of mistruth in them. He left me, sure, but he never lied to me, never once tried to pull the wool over my eyes.
“I’m not ready to,” I admit quietly. “I can’t even say his name out loud without wanting to cry afterward.”
He nods, reaching up to place his hands on my knees. “I’m not going to push it, but the day will come where we need to work through this. You know that, right?”
Will it? How long does he intend on sticking around? We bury Kath this Friday. Once she’s in the ground this passage of my life is closed, and we all move on. He’s only here because fate tangled him in this mess. Why would he stick around after?
“Mimi?” he urges, dipping his head to look at me when I don’t answer.
“One day at a time, huh?” Because Lord knows my heart couldn’t handle any more at once.
One day at a time.
One tragedy at a time.
One heartache at a time.
FIFTEEN
Briar sits tucked in the corner of Kath’s sofa while Mum reads to him, his eyes glazed as he stares in a kind of trance at the squares of light cast over the wall by the setting sun. His hands are folded in his lap, his legs tucked up tight, and although the book Mum recites is one of his favourites, he shows no sign of emotion.
The first few days were okay; he seemed to take the loss in his stride, but I guess it simply took longer for the reality to set in for him. After talking with Evan yesterday, I returned to find him sobbing his eyes out in Dad’s arms, the two of them huddled amongst the ruins of the Lego car he’d been building.
Apparently, he placed two pieces in the wrong order.
And apparently, that was all it took.
All the suppressed confusion, the hurt and injustice of losing his mother overflowed.
“It’ll take time,” Dad whispers, observing the pair over my shoulder. “He’ll have good days, and then bad, much like us. Only his ups will be higher and his lows deeper.”
I nod, crossing my arms over myself. I wish I could say I understood the rollercoaster of emotions. Except my carriage is stuck at the start, and I couldn’t say yet whether I’m about to shoot down the ride at a hundred miles an hour to catch up to everyone, or like I have a million times before, I’ll simply disembark and watch while others experience what I can’t.
I loved her: Kath. I had to. It was ingrained in me to feel a connection. After all, she was blood. But I didn’t crave her, didn’t relish any special partnership with my only sibling.
We were simply too different. On paths too far apart for us to even see the other.
“I’ve got an appointment tomorrow to discuss how to approach the request for guardianship.” I turn to face Dad, leading him through to the kitchen.
He follows, leaning on the island with both elbows. “Do you need some money to help cover costs?”
God, I love this man. He’s not asking begrudgingly. His genuine gaze reminds me that he would offer up what he had without any expectation of repayment. “I’ve got some money stashed away, so hopefully I can cover it. But I’ll let you know.”
He nods once, his lips pressed in a line as he regards me. “You ready for this, love?”
Again, he holds no ounce of ill-will with his question. It’s pure curiosity.
“I hope so.” I sigh as I lean back against the edge of the counter. “I can’t imagine it being any other way, though.”
Briar belongs with family, and when I think about the alternates … yeah, it sends a shiver straight up my spine. That alone should be enough of an answer for me.
“We may be across the ditch,” Dad says, “but we’re always there to help.” He straightens up, pinning me with that no-messing-around Dad stare. “You’ve kept your distance over the past few years, and your mother and I tolerated that, but this time I want you to set your pride aside and ask for help if you need it, okay?”