Page 57 of Existential
“Well,” I snap. “If I tell you what the issue is, you’ll think that’s what I am. So I’m just going to stay quiet about it, maybe go look around town while you guys have your visitors, and keep out of everyone’s hair.”
“Who’s said something?” She straightens, slowly rounding the end of the counter to where I stand with my arms folded. “What’s got you thinking you’re not wanted around here? We have visitors, they’re guests of all of us—that includes you. You’re a part of this now, Dag. Get that through your head. We don’t take people in often, but when we do it’s because we know what the fuck we’re doing.”
I wriggle my nose to fight the tingle that means imminent tears, and back away from her touch. “Relationships complicate things.” My voice shakes, and I scowl at my own lack of control. “Which is why I have no idea what made me stick around like Hooch told me to.” I laugh, throwing my hands in the air. “I barely know the guy.”
“So?”
She asks the question so matter of fact that I simply stare at the woman certain she’s crazy.
“You wanna know how long I knew Vince before I figured he meant something special to me?”
I shrug, indicating she might as well carry on.
“Five minutes.” She steps forward, hands on her hips. “He lay upstairs, a right mess because he’d quit on life, and somehow I knew he would change mine. Did I know we’d end up here, together, happy? No. But I knew, deep down, that he was put in my path for a reason. Whether it was permanent or not, I knew I needed him in my life.”
She’s so right it hurts. Isn’t that what pulled me to Hooch? I saw a need in him, and it called to what’s missing in me? I guess the struggle to understand has been in my stubbornness that people can only be in my life if they prove it’s for the long haul. But what if Hooch and I are only meant to know each other long enough to correct our course? What if Sonya’s onto something? What do I have to lose then?
“What’s runnin’ through that head of yours?”
“I see your point,” I admit. “I really do. I guess …”
“What?”
“I guess I just can’t figure out if the time for us to need each other has passed already or not?”
Her eyes soften as she reaches out a hand, resting it lightly on my still folded arms. “You’ll know it’s passed when you’re at peace in here.” Her hand moves to hover over my heart. “Settle your soul, child. Stick around a while longer. Okay?”
“Okay.”