Page 52 of Existential
Damn her. I try to hold it together, but just like Hooch, she nails me in one go. Am I that damn transparent?
I let go of her hand to swipe my budding tears away with the side of my finger. “Sorry.”
“No need to be.”
I take a sip of my drink, my thoughts wandering to the same place they do every time I catch a second of silence: the man with the resigned gaze, sad smile, and gentle kiss—Hooch.
“Do you think he’ll ever come back?”
“Who?” Sonya asks, leaning back a little.
“Hooch.”
She shrugs. “I haven’t heard a lot from the boys down south. I keep in contact with some of them through Facebook, but nothing of use comes through the grapevine.”
“I worry, you know? I feel like I’m partially responsible, like I should have fought those cops who pulled me over and ransacked the truck.”
“And then what?” she asks. “It would be your ass in county?”
“Maybe.” I shrug. Wouldn’t wasting my lonely life be better than pulling him from his involved one?
“I’ve known that boy since he was still riding a BMX around the vacant land behind the old Fort Worth clubhouse. He does what he thinks is right, he always has. He might seem tough and heartless on the outside, but that boy has more empathy toward others than a single soul I’ve met since.”
“I got that feeling about him.”
“He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, and for as long as he thinks it’s too much for those he loves to bear, the harder he’ll hold on to it.” She laughs, short and bitter. “Damn. Him and King aren’t all that different, really.”
“King is lovely.” He’s done nothing but show me patience and understanding since being burdened with my care. “I can see why he makes a great leader.”
“It’s why he’s never been contested.” She sighs, turning her mug between her hands. “Have you spoken with Mel? I worry about that girl as much as I worry about you.”
“I would, but I haven’t seen her for days.” Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Dog for a while, either.
Sonya frowns at my smile. “What?”
“I think she might have done a runner with Dog.”
Sonya rolls her eyes, shaking her head. “That boy … Makes sense that he’d take a chance while big brother isn’t around to kick his ass.”
“He’s a bit of a player, right?”
“He’s the player.”
I chuckle, feeling the phone King gifted me for piece of mind vibrate in my pocket. Checking the screen under the edge of the counter, I ignore the message and send it to black.
“Problem?” Sonya lifts her eyebrows, glancing toward my phone.
“Nothing I can’t handle.” At least, I think.
“You just remember what I said, love. Pay mind to the caution your gut is throwing your way, but don’t discount your heart. It knows what you’d rather be doing.”
“I will. Thank you.”
If only she realized that both my gut and my heart are telling me the same thing.