Page 42 of Existential
“You ain’t got no family anymore, brother.” Crackers pauses, presumably to take a drag while the penny drops. “Oh, shit. Really?”
“Yeah. I tracked down Mel.”
“Why the fuck is this the first I’m hearin’ about it?”
I pack away his hurt to deal with later. “I wanted to be sure things were level before I brought her home.”
“Level?” he scoffs. “As in, you didn’t trust us.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?” he snaps. “You’ve been distant since Carlos shot Judas, and yeah, we got that, brother. You lost your old man and your baby sister in the same day—anybody would have caved. But fuck man, you never came back to us, you just went further in on yourself and to be honest,” he pauses for effect, “there are murmurs goin’ around about what you’re up to. Nobody sees you half the time. You hide out in your room, or disappear on the road without notice.” He sighs. “People are gettin’ uncomfortable. You’re supposed to be their leader.”
“Uncomfortable, how?” Mutiny? A planned reshuffle?
“You don’t share a fuckin’ thing with us anymore, which makes people wonder if you’re hidin’ shit. We’re supposed to be a unit, brothers in arms, and here you are sulking in the shadows and shuttin’ everyone out. We can’t help you if you won’t let us near you, man.”
“Yeah, well, I’m askin’ for help now, ain’t I?” The girls both look across at my raised tone. “Just take the head of the table until I get back, would you?”
“How long you gonna be gone?”
“Depends on if there’s an APB or not. Ring me back when you find out.” I disconnect before he has a chance to say anything else.
Fucker has my number. Also has my chair, now. He can use both however he pleases. To say I’m over the whining and bitching that I’m not transparent enough for them is an understatement.
“Everything okay?” Mel crouches down to my left, hands loose between her knees.
“Fine.” I check the time on the phone’s display. “We’ve got a few hours to kill, so I suggest you girls try to get some sleep. You’ll probably be travelling in the small hours.”
“And you?” She narrows her gaze on me. “Where you goin’?”
I shrug. “I really don’t know, sis. Take it as it comes.”
She drops to her ass with a puff of dirt and hay dust. “This sucks.”
“You don’t say.” I reach out, pulling her to my side. Feels too good to have her back close enough to hold.
“It sucks most that I just get you back, and now you’re leaving me. We’re just switching places, really, aren’t we?”
“Whatever keeps us alive, little sis.” I hook her in and place my head to hers.
“Yeah, I know.” She pulls away a little, gesturing to where Dagne has curled up on the hay bale with a sweatshirt as a blanket. “I’m just worried about her. She’s not as used to this kind of chaos as we are.”
“Which is why I need you to make me a promise, girl.”
“What?”
I suck in a breath at the thought of what’s to come. “You gotta make sure she sticks around long enough that she’s still here for me when I get back. I’ve got to set things straight, make it up to her for what I’ve done.”
“That could be months, years even, Hooch.”
“I know, but she doesn’t deserve to be left hangin’ without a proper apology.”
Mel’s gaze hardens as she pushes herself up with a hand to my chest. “What are you not tellin’ me about her, big brother?”
“Nothing I know how to explain.”
Let alone understand.