Page 86 of Malaise
“Why do you want to stay around here, though?”
I stop scrolling and lift my head to cock an eyebrow at her.
“Right. Brett.”
“Mm-hmm.” Everything listed is at least fifty dollars more than I could afford a week. “How the hell do people do this?”
She shrugs. “I guess they want it bad enough. Or,” she sighs, “they do what I do and put up with living with their parents to save on costs.”
“Do you pay board there?”
She snorts. “Yeah. Brett and I both do, but if we’re honest about it, it’s our money that pays the mortgage and keeps the power on.”
“Does Deb not pay anything?”
She shakes her head. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Why?”
“You really want to know?”
“Right,” I say, dragging out the word. It’s like that.
“Where am I supposed to go?” I ask, dropping my head to my arms again. “I can’t afford anything, and there is no way in hell I’m suffering through pretending I’m sorry just to get back under Mum and Dad’s roof.”
She pats my hand. “We’ll work something out.”
Her phone chimes from where she’d dropped her bag by the front door, and she gets up to retrieve it. Her brow pinches as she studies the message.
“What is it?”
“Just Dad, saying if I’m going to the hearing to take Brett some clothes so he’s got a fresh change for the courtroom.”
“Thoughtful,” I sass.
“Right? It’s just him trying to butter me up so I come home and keep doing the housework.” She laughs humourlessly, fingering the light bruise on her cheek. “Anyway, I better go grab his gear and get a shower myself before this thing kicks off. Meet you back here in an hour?”
I nod. The courthouse is only a few blocks from the motel, but I guess she’s concerned about how I’ll fill the time. “Will you get to see him beforehand if you’re taking him clean clothes?” Maybe I could take them instead.
“Nope. He won’t be allowed to talk to anyone until he’s either on bail or transferred to the remand centre. We can be in the courtroom for the hearing, though—we don’t have to wait out front—but you won’t get to say a thing while he’s in there.”
“As long as I get to see him.” He has to know I’m there, that I’m going to stand by him no matter what. A strange morbid excitement bubbles within me at the thought I’ll be able to make eye contact with Carver within a few hours. It’s only been two nights, technically one, but when we haven’t spent more than a couple of hours apart for the last week, it’s strange.
“How about you take a walk after I go, huh? Get some fresh air.” Tanya grabs her bag and hesitates at the door to my room. “You look like you need to just take a step back and remember how to breathe, honey.”
“I’m worried, is all.”
“I know. I am too. But what happens, happens, and best we can do is try to control what we can, not attempt to move mountains for the sake of a better view.”
“See you in an hour, then.”
“Sure thing.” She opens the door and steps out onto the covered walkway. “And Meg?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever comes out of this, don’t let it change the way you look at Brett. He’s still not the same guy he once was—he’s better since you came along.”
She closes the door, and I pull my legs up to my chest as the muted rumble of the Falcon filters through the walls. The longer I’m without him by my side to distract me, the more I start to wonder just who Brett Carver really is?