Page 56 of Malaise
I roll in his arms and place a hand to his shoulder. He shifts to prop himself up on one elbow, and looks down at me with nothing but adoration. Yet there’s still that hesitation in his gaze. “What’s holding you back?”
“Everything that shouldn’t.”
“So why is it then?” I whisper.
He closes his eyes briefly, and then opens them as he leans down to kiss me on the forehead. “Because if I give in and stick a middle finger up to the world to make this work between us… I’m scared, babe. I’ve never had this with anyone; the connection I get from you. I want more of it, and I’m scared if people find out about what we’re doing here, they’ll take you away and I’d have ruined any chance at ‘us’ because of my damn impatience.”
“Who’s to know, though?” I jerk my head at the room around us and shrug in his hold. “It’s just you and me here, nobody else. Who’s to know how we choose to spend this time together?” I look deep into his eyes and plead with my gaze as well as my words. I need this.
If he rejects me now… if we get this far only to have him pull away again.... When would I ever be enough if not now?
He continues to gaze down at me, a war raging inside his mind. The air between us thickens to the point of my breathing becoming a slow and laboured process. I reach a tentative hand up and stroke two fingers down the side of his face, my lips parting as I do. His gaze follows the movement of my mouth, and he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth briefly before letting it go with a sigh.
I’m fixated on the reddened flesh, obsessed with the idea that I could kiss that graze away, that my lips could bring relief to where he’s inflicted harm on himself in the name of keeping under control.
“Meg?”
“Yeah,” I say quietly, my fingers creeping toward his mouth to touch that spot.
“If we start this now, it’s never going to end.”
“I know,” I whisper.
My fingertips brush the flesh below his bottom lip, my eyes tracking the movement. He sucks in a sharp breath, his gaze hooded as he tenses over top of me. I stretch out, seeking his foot with mine, and tangle our legs at the ankles.
“Talk to me, Carver.”
He shuffles his arm so that he can stroke the hair from my face whilst still holding his weight. “Have you ever been kissed, Meg?”
I open my mouth to speak, yet he cuts me short.
“Not those stupid kisses you steal with some boy you hardly know while nobody’s looking, but a real kiss. One that you wish wouldn’t end, that you wish you could hold on to and keep?”
I hold his gaze as I shake my head, my heart alight at the anticipation of what’s coming next. Age is only a number. What does it matter if we’re two consenting adults? I’m not naïve; I know where this leads. And I’m not scared.
I’m ready.
For him.
For us.
The bed dips as Carver rolls his body over top of mine, propping himself up on both elbows, either side of my head. Our hips are connected, the weight of his body comforting as much as it’s exhilarating. His chest brushes mine with each breath.
“Truth or dare?”
“Pardon?” Isn’t he supposed to be closing this space between us, taking what he wants?
“Truth or dare, Meg. Pick one.”
“Truth.” Always the truth.
“The truth is,” he says, slightly breathless, “I wished you’d said dare.” His eyes search mine, his pupils dilating. “Dare me, Meg. Don’t give me a reason to wait any longer.”
I wet my lips, my chest pressing firmly against his. “I dare you.” His breath catches, giving me confidence. “I dare you to kiss me how you’ve been wanting to since we first met.”
His hands are in my hair, his grip sure and firm as he holds me steady. I close my eyes when our mouths find each other, the unique rush of adrenaline from the connection exactly what I’ve been searching for. For so long I’ve felt like a part of me has been missing, like there was something not quite there, and it was him. All along. It was this, the feeling of being completely and utterly whole, that your entire life now revolves around the person whose mouth has the ability to erase the entire day and condense it down to one perfect minute, one shot at hope, and one reason to live life to the fullest.
I open my eyes, dejected when he breaks away. “Why did you stop?”