Page 29 of It's a Brewtiful Day
A gentle grin stretched out his lips. “No one does.”
“No, I get that. It’s just … well, it’s easier if I …” I sighed. “Commitments scare me. Because it’s not reciprocated.”
Sure, it was lonely on the special holidays if I wasn’t with someone, but in reality, it was better that way. I didn’t like being the awkward guest at their birthday parties or staff functions or whatever event they had me tag along to, and most were never attached long enough for me to explain to my family who they were and why it was a new face. At least the super quick ones. Anything that lasted over three weeks was scary as Cassie started planning the wedding.
“I see. So you paint all guys with the same brush?” He raised the eyebrow with the mole high enough to hide under his wavy hair. Resigned, he slumped back into his chair.
The air was already tense from being stranded, and now I’d gone and made it even worse. Typical.
I didn’t know how to respond to his question, so I crossed my legs and readied for a redirect. “What about you? Are you a long-term dater or are you a serial dater like me?”
“Are you asking for your own personal interests?” His gorgeous head tipped to the side in just such a way it was immediately charming.
“Just general conversation.” Let’s see how similar—or dissimilar—he was to the guys I read about.
He cleared his throat and blinked rapidly; those long lashes bouncing until he made eye contact with me. “I guess I’m more of a commitment type guy.”
Wow, really?“You guess?”
“Yeah, at least I try to be that. The women though, they don’t go for it. They find a reason to walk away or ghost me or use the lineit’s not you, it’s meafter a few weeks.” His shoulders slumped, and my heart broke a little.
I curled a little into myself, as that was me to a tee sadly, but still, I needed to ask, even though I never gave an explanation. “Do they ever tell you why?”
“Some do, sure, but they’re all cookie-cutter, stereotypical reasons. I’m not smart enough for them or a corporate climber.”
“And the ladies, they said that to you?” At least I had the courtesy to make up a lie if I thought the guy wasn’t smart – I’d never have the guts to tell it to his face.
He hung his head but didn’t answer.
The air crackled from the sudden tension, and a gust of wind blew down the street. Shifting, I uncrossed my legs and set my hands on my thighs.
“One girl even said I didn’t use the ‘L’ word enough.”
I cringed and groaned, rolling my eyes for added effect. “I hate that word. It’s just used so often it’s lost all its meaning.”
“You think so? Really? You’ve never loved one of your boyfriends?”
“Liked them sure, but no. Never expressed any deep love. They weren’t around long enough…” Foolishly I stared at the floor and then dared to glance up to study his face. A strange mixture of unreadable emotions swirled across. “You? With your exes? Did you use the word frequently?”
“Only twice.” The heaviness of the apparent rejection hung in the air.
Part of the reason why I never used that word, aside from Cassie and Chad. If the other didn’t reciprocate the feelings, it was too painful and raw and I didn’t want to experience that. I’d seen what loving someone who broke your heart could do to a person.
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right person?” I closed my eyes for a heartbeat, chiding myself for speaking without thinking.
“Maybe?” A brow arched in response. “Perhaps she’s been wandering around this whole time just waiting for me to be single again?”
Was he talking about me? I swallowed. Although I had hoped he was single, as it kept my starry-eyed gazing to a healthy level and I wasn’t coveting something that wasn’t mine, how was I to have known he was single?
He repositioned himself, resting his forearms back on his thighs. “Maybe you just haven’t found the right person either.”
It was getting warm in here under Elliot’s heated gaze.
“Maybe you’ve been seeing him this whole time and never realised that he would be the one tofall for. Or go on a journey with.”
“Or more like, I’m waiting for the guy who’ll sweep me off my feet and …” But I couldn’t say the rest. For reasons I couldn’t figure out, I didn’t want to jinx anything. This—whatever was happening between Elliot and me—it felt good. And safe. No sense in throwing it away just yet.
“Then perhaps the right guy will come along and sweep you off your feet like it’s never happened before.”