Page 9 of That Summer
The package fell to the floor as Lucas pulled her into his arms.
“I’m… so… sorry.” Tears of regret, of shame—of hatred—funnelled out of her. They poured faster than ever, each wave threatening to rip her in half. “I’m not as strong as you think.”
Lucas held her tight as she soaked his shirt with her guilt-filled sobs. Glued to him, her body racked with shame, he never let go. Time lost all meaning. If hours had passed, it had felt like mere minutes as the self-hating negative thoughts swirled in her head. If it had been minutes, her worn out body made her feel as if she’d been in his arms forever as her tears ran out.
The sound of an engine revving muffled from deep in his pocket, breaking their connection. “It’s okay. It’s Nate.”
She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “You should get it.”
“It’s not important.”
The sound continued.
“Please.” She righted herself and moved back against the table.
Lucas yanked out his phone. “What’s up? I’m in the middle of somethingreallyimportant right now…” He remained focused on her, an expression of confusion clouding his features as he spoke. “I’ll get back to you and let you know… Not really… Unlikely… Fine, later.” He hung up and tossed the phone to the bed. His mouth opened and shut again, and he shook his head.
The longer time stretched out, the thicker the silence grew.
In a voice she thought belonged to someone else, she asked, “Are you mad at me?”
“Umm, I don’t know. No, I don’t think so.” The package flipped over in his hand. His voice broke when he asked, “Are there any more?”
She shook her head, hair whipping sharply against her chin. “No.”
“Okay.” He pushed it into his back pocket and stood, extending his hand for her. He pulled her to her feet and without warning, wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered into her ear. “Thank you for trusting me with the truth.”
She wasn’t sure, but she wondered if he was crying. His body seemed stiff against hers, but his chest moved rapidly. Not wanting to ask, she wrapped her arms around him and tightened.
The embrace ended when he stepped back, not even trying to hide his red and glassy eyes.
What have I done to you?Her eyes darted between his. “I’m so–”
His finger covered her lips. “As am I. But…” He blinked rapidly and swiped his hands across his face. After a deep breath, he ran his hands through his hair. “Well… There’s nothing else you’re trying to hide from me?”
A weight had been lifted, and as awkward as the air was, at least she wasn’t being held down by secrets. It was shame and hatred that kept her cemented to the ground.
“I finally got some sleep,” she said in a weak laugh, trying to lighten the mood. It had been weeks since she’d had a solid sleep. Insomnia, a gift from the withdrawal Gods, had settled in for a long time.
“Not funny.”
“Sorry.”
“When did you take them last?”
“Friday night. I took four.”
His eyes bugged out.
“Last night I took three.”
He nodded slowly, casting his focus downward as his brows pulled in. “Okay.” A quick tap-tap-tap of his lips before he spoke. “Since you were honest with me...”
She swallowed and sat beside him, hunching her shoulders as she pulled her legs close. A tingling in her chest radiated out to her limbs.
He talked in a low voice as if to only reach himself. “I need to tell someone about the pills, as this is bigger than you and me… but I don’t know who we can trust. Chris? Maybe. I’m sure my sister would have all sorts of crazy ideas, maybe even a couple of good ones. Your dad? I really want to, and think he has a right to know, especially since he was here for the initial withdrawal. But I suspect he’d be quite upset and I don’t know if that’s what you need right now.” A low groan escaped him. “I really don’t know what to do with this.” His finger tapped his lips in a constant flurry of motion as he sat beside her gazing off into the distance.
Her heart plummeted to her stomach where it flipped and soured. The warmth from her cheeks cooled in fear. It was hard to sit there listening to him babble on and see him so upset. All because of her. If she had just…