Page 57 of That Summer

He scrutinized her and again gave her a full body search. “What kind of feelings?” The tone in his voice had an edge.

Well…She swallowed down her pride. “I thought I was…”

Although his expression remained stoic, his eyes changed for a fraction of a second.

The courage she had a moment ago, disappeared as she exhaled.

No point in hurting his feelings.

“I was… completely overwhelmed. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I was scared of those feelings and everything they represented, and I needed to numb them. Fast. But I had nothing to help me. I can’t tell you how exactly, but something inside me snapped.”

A slow head nod. His brows furrowed, but he never took his gaze off her.

“I couldn’t handle those feelings anymore. It was too much. Then I felt that it wasn’t fair, and this wasn’t fair to anyone else. Things went south from there. In desperation I called Chris when my thoughts turned…” Her mouth was as dry as cotton. “Dark.”

Lucas moved closer, his body leaning toward her.

“After talking me down from the ledge, so to speak, a decision I wasn’t in agreement with came about. I had to shut everything down before everything shut me down.”

He nodded and his expression softened.

She reached out for him. “I’m sorry you were a causality in that. I needed to distance myself physically from you but only until I could sort out my feelings.” Her focus went straight to his grey-blues. She had his full attention. “If it’s any consolation–”

“There’s no consolation, Aurora.”

“Please, letmefinish.” She pulled him over to the couch. Weakness was turning her legs into wet spaghetti and she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to stand. “But it was impossible to shut you out, can’t you see that? I couldn’t do it. If you can believe it, I actually missed being around cars. I missed our training sessions. I missed… you.” Her heart raced much faster than the words falling out of her mouth. A long sigh, and a quick glance to see him taking in every word. “And as much as I love you, I’m in love with Nate.”

He stayed tight-lipped as he tapped his foot.

“I hope you can find it in your heart to understand what I’m saying and to forgive me.”

Reddish-blond hairs went flying as he shook his head. “So much happened this week, and I wanted to share it with you. My best friend. But you turned your back to me.”

“That’s not true. Ineverturned away from you.” Her voice rose. “I texted you. Multiple times a day. I told you to come over. I apologized. You…” Anger boiled inside her, heating her up. “You… You ignored me.”

Heat fanned up in the room with their rising tempers. “You kicked me out, what was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to react? Was I supposed to come crawling back, begging for forgiveness over something I didn’t do?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then what? Tell me, Aurora. You seem to have all the answers.”

“Well for starters, you could’ve responded to the fucking texts I sent. That would’ve been great.” She stomped around, fighting the urge to toss a throw pillow at him. Instead, she smacked her hand onto the patio door. “I kicked you out for that one night only.”

A deep breath filled her lungs. She needed to diffuse the anger before she snapped, and that feeling was building monstrously fast. A sweaty palm streaked up the window. “I told you you were welcome back here. I wanted you to come back. I wanted to talk to you. If I’d turned my back on you, would I have asked?”

Silence filled the room.

Her forehead touched the cool of the glass door, and she welcomed the sensation. Her voice dropped. “I apologized and admitted I’d freaked out. I thought about you all the time. How many times do I have to tell you I missed you? How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?”

Turning slowly, she internally screamed at him to say something more. Like a statue, he stood there, never moving. Her hand twitched. She searched his face, her eyes darting back and forth between his left and right eye. For a moment, she wished she had his ability to read people, to sense what they were feeling. All she was getting from him was stone cold silence. What was he thinking?

Chin to chest, she sighed as quietly as she could muster.

“Make me a promise, okay?” Strong fingers rubbed his along his jaw line as he cleared his throat.

His voice was taut, but she nodded anyway. Was he about to say goodbye? Dread filled her core. He leaned forward enough to make it seem as though he was preparing to walk away.

A serious expression filled his face as he stared hard, piercing right through to her soul.