Page 34 of Return to Cheshire Bay
“Hey.” He stepped closer to my deck butmaintained a safe distance. “You’re welcome to come and join theparty, you know?”
“I know.” But I really felt I shouldn’t.After last night, maybe hanging out with Eric wasn’t the smartestidea.
“Where’s your friend?”
“Sulking in her room.” I deadpanned. “Ithink we’re breaking up.”
Eric cocked his head and ran his handsthrough his hair, before walking onto the deck and grabbing thechair nearest me. “You okay?”
“I’ll get over it.” My body sagged, and mygaze wandered over to the fire, watching the occasional spark shootinto the air with a pop.
Now, I wasn’t really upset over the loss offriendship, since deep down I’d maybe seen it coming. Perhaps itwas karma coming back to slap me in the face, destined to be alonein life, as a payback for being a bitch. Thinking about all my pastcrimes, tears slipped freely and streamed down my cheeks, coolingas the ocean air breezed past me.
I sniffed.
He wrapped his hand around mine. “You’reclearly not okay.”
What I really wanted was to cradle intosomeone and feel arms wrapped around me, whispering how everythingwould be fine, but that was never my reality.
“Coming back here has been a real eyeopener, more than I expected. I wanted a change of scenery, tothink through my life, and instead of all that, I realized itwasn’t a change I needed, it was insight. I met you, or gotreacquainted with you,” I wiped away my river, “and it seemed likeyou accepted me for me. And I’d been looking for that for so longthat I didn’t understand it had happened, until it was taken awayfrom me.”
He shifted in his seat and gave my hand agentle squeeze. “I never left you.”
“You did. Yesterday, after we did it.” Whereyesterday I’d been on top of the world, now I had shame over ourexperience.
“Listen, about that.” Before I went to openmy mouth, he covered it with his finger. “You’re going to hear whatI have to say.” There was a gentle finality to his words.“Yesterday was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time, andbecause of that, it also scared me to a whole new level I wasn’texpecting.” He still held my hand, but his head hung as hisshoulders rolled in. “I haven’t been entirely truthful withyou.”
My eyes widened as I stared.
“Like you said, I do have a story; I justdon’t like to share it. I’m envious of you as you don’t holdanything back, and when you unloaded about Jordan and your crazypast, my heart went out to you, and I want to be as honest with youas you are with me.”
I squeezed his hand tight. “Whatever youwant to share, I’ll never tell.”
His chest vibrated with a sigh and hetwisted away from me, checking out the fire.
I understood the need to make sure a privatemoment stayed private.
“People are never truly how they presentthemselves to the world, and I just got tired of the constantlies.” He shook his head. “And it’s not just hiding an illness fromyour social media accounts, or anything like that. It’s theillusion of perfection and an utter fakeness. It’s too much.”
A long, lingering sigh breeze out of him.“The last few attempts at a relationship have revealed a differentpersona than the person they pretend to be to complete strangers.Where’s the honesty? Where’s the vulnerability? Why do women haveto project this ideal of being a size zero, when it’s all smoke andmirrors?” His voice had a haunting lilt to it, and his words weresoft and distant.
“This one girl I was seriously into, she’dwake up before me, sneak out of bed, and reapply her makeup andbrush her teeth, so when I rolled over, she was already perfectlooking. Sure, maybe for the first few dates, it’s fine orwhatever, but she refused to let me see her in her raw and naturalstate even after a few months. It just got to be too much. We’d goout and she pretended to be this warm and generous person, but thesecond the door closed to the outside world, she was spewingnastiness.”
He sighed, and his voice drifted off as iftrapped in a memory he needed to work through before it’d let go ofhim. “The last girl I dated; things were super serious. She was a Blist celebrity, working in Vancouver, but based in LA. Her socialmedia pics showcased her flawless beauty, but it was all lies. Shewas gorgeous without all the clown makeup.”
I rubbed my fingertips over my face. Notsure I’d refer to it as clown makeup, but I never left the housewithout a bit of mascara and some colour on my lips.
“Her twitter platform boasted of hercharitable causes, one of which… well, let’s just say behind closeddoors, it was the polar opposite. Learning how she really wasversus her portrayed image, it terrified me. It made me start towonder if I’d ever find someone whose outside beauty matched theirinside beauty.” He snapped out of his reverie and stared at me.“Until you arrived.”
I focused on him, his beautiful silhouetteagainst the backdrop of a glowing, rusty-coloured fire, sparksshooting out in all directions.
“When I first arrived, people talked, and Ilet them have their glory. They were just words, and they didn’tknow me, or know what I’d been through. It’s exhausting on a wholeother level trying to be someone you’re not, but here, I was me.Laid back, happy to walk around with my hair messed to get themail.” He covered his mouth in mock horror. “But after time, thegossip faded. I gave them no fuel for their fire. There wasn’t thedaily drama they craved.”
My voice lowered to a barely audiblewhisper, and I pulled away from him and crossed my legs. “I wish Icould be like that and not have the whispers bother me as much. Andno offence, dating a high-profile celebrity and being there whensomeone jumped to his death are two different things.” A shudderrolled down my body, like a wave on the beach.
“But you are innocent. You were notresponsible for Jordan’s death. This town knows it, you’re just anoutlet for their misplaced anger and in time, they’ll see howwonderful you are.” He stretched out an arm and wiped away a smalltrail of my tears. “And truly, if they can’t see that, then it’s onthem. Not you. You’ve paid for your mistakes, and you’ve movedon.”
He had a point, however…