Page 84 of Meet Cute Reboot

“Could you have mentioned it on Zillow?”

“Would you have bought the house?”

I give my eyes a rub and lean over, resting my elbows on my knees. “Maybe?”

“Betsy is harmless. She’s just looking for Joey.”

“Who’s Joey? Is he squatting here too?”

“Her husband Joey. They were an elderly couple. Joey had cancer and was put on hospice. Betsy was his caregiver until she fell down the stairs and snapped her neck.”

I nearly choke on my spit. After a few coughs, I manage to blurt out, “Snapped?”

“I suppose I could’ve said that more gently. Shebrokeher neck and died instantly.”

I try to digest what I’ve just heard. A grandma with a wobbly neck is wandering my halls. That’s. Just. Awesome. I frown at my carpet. “How do you know this?” I ask.

“We brought in paranormal investigators from New York City. Really sweet couple. He puts on a blindfold and noise-canceling headphones while she asks the dead questions. They speak to him, and he relays the message.”

I shudder at the word “dead.”

“Betsy was very talkative. She said she needed to get Joey his medicine. Kept repeating it over and over.”

“Did she tell you how she died?”

“No. She doesn’t know she’s dead. When we bought the house, the real estate agent disclosed that one of the former owners had died and he told us the manner of her death.”

“Andyoubought the house anyway?”

“We didn’t know she was still hanging around at that point.”

“Any idea how I might get her tonothang around? She’s disrupting my sleep and reducing my dog to a pile of pudding.”

“The paranormal investigators told her Joey passed peacefully in his sleep, hoping it would satisfy her and help her make the final journey to death, but Betsy is a stubborn woman.”

“Great.”

“She’s not a bad tenant though. She doesn’t clog the toilets or flood the laundry room or leave her dirty dishes around.”

“She doesn’t pay rent either,” I say.

“No, but she’ll mostly leave you alone.”

“What about the cat? Did it break its neck too?”

“Um,” Janice fumbles. “I don’t know anything about a cat.”

“I keep hearing the unholy meows of a disembodied cat.”

“Oh...” Janet pauses. “...dear.”

I don’t like the sound of that. I wait for her to continue.

“We did have a cat that passed away in the house. The vet said it was probably a heart defect. But we never heard Lou Lou’s ghost.”

“Let me guess. She was a beloved cat, attached to your ankle. And now that you’re gone, she misses you.”

“I can’t confirm that. I certainly hope Lou Lou isn’t hanging around. I assumed she crossed the rainbow bridge to be with my dog, Charlie.”