Page 133 of Chasing Headlines

I didn't cry then.

I didn't cry when they told me my “legal troubles” changed conversations about my future from “where do you want to play” to: “you should take some time, give college a try. This was a tough blow for a kid . . .”

I didn't cry when I packed my shit in the car and took off to Vanquer, dustbowl-nowhere TX. I didn't break down until . . .

“It's sad your mother died. It is. Because of all the things she'll miss. It's very sad. But, I'm glad she lived.”

I almost lost it, then. But held on until Dotty told me what I needed to hear . . . my mom say before she . . . went. Hell, maybe she’d been trying to. Maybe it was me who couldn’t hear.

I’ve been lost without you, Mom. You don't know how many times I've wished it had been Dad instead of you.I took a shaking breath.

Silver tears tumbled from my reflection's eyes. I traced them in the glass.

Drip. Wet spilled onto my shirt, and the back of my hand. Drip. Drop. I choked on a sob.

Why couldn’t you stay? I still need you. It’s not fair.

The sobs razed the back of my throat. My head pounded.

I didn’t want you to go. Why did it have to be you?I slammed my fist against the glass and sunk to the ground. Doubled over, my abdominal muscles contracted so hard it felt like they might never stop.

Don't go. I never said that to you. For a long time, I couldn't face things. I kept thinking, believing, you'd beat it. And then I didn't want to make things harder for you. Sometimes, I still feel like a God-damned kid who doesn't know anything. You always . . . kept me grounded.

I struggled for air as another wave of pain broke though me.Don't go. Why did you have to go?I sobbed into my palms like a broken child.

I didn't want you to . . . go.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Olivia POV

Well, that was that. I had experienced what it was like to kiss Breslin Cooper. And while it had its moments . . . I sucked in a breath as a fluttering, spinning warmth surged through my veins. Oh, and it had its moments all right.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him like I would drown and die without his mouth on mine. He didn't fight it. His lips thinned and opened. I clutched the back of his head and pulled him closer. His tongue darted into my mouth, stroking, deepening, striking flint against steel . . .

A torrential heat welled inside me. It surged through my limbs as I clutched him tighter. His shirt bunched beneath my fingertips. And I couldn't help but want toknowwhat it would be like to feel every inch of his skin against mine.

Ahem. I’m sure that was all I needed to “get him out of my system.” Yep. If you could measure how “over him” I was, it’d be a five out of a possible, well, five.

And if that were true, why'd I turn down Tanner's invitation?Oh, right. Tanner.

I let myself into my dorm. Fatigue weighting every step, my sole focus was to collapse into bed and sleep the waning bit of Sunday away.Maybe I can pretend it was all a dream.

Hilda glanced up from the table. She met my gaze briefly then quickly glanced away. Oh. Right.Her. I pressed my mouth shut and walked past her to my room.

My brain instantly alight with the many things I wanted to gripe and shout at my oldest friend, I collapsed onto the bed. The memory of Hilda's 'accusations' echoed vaguely in my head. I could hear the tone, but I couldn't make out the words. I didn't want to.

It wasn't like we hadn't fought before. It was just that, well, so many times, we viewed the world the same way. Not like Dublin, whom, it was probably sixty-forty we were on the same planet most of the time. Sixty percent of the time, I was pretty certain Dubby and I existed in alternate universes. But it was her sarcastic sense of humor that I could relate to.

I didn't love having this strange cavern between me and one of my best friends. But, I also didn't know what I could do to change things. I tossed one way and tried to stop my mind from racing.

I lied to the police, well, a deputy sheriff. Also, an ER doctor, Breslin's coach—someone my brother knows and respects. And told all of these adult men that Breslin and I had slept together. Vigorously. Multiple times.

I flipped over to the other side, pulled a pillow over my head, and screamed.

“If I'm going to do the time. Might as well do the crime?”

Ugh! I sat up and buried my face in my hands. I was, no doubt, as red as a tomato.How bad would this be? Would one of them . . . say anything?