Page 108 of Brutal Reign
I clench my jaw against the frustration of her non-answer, drawing a deep breath and exhaling slowly.I need to stay calm. Calm is what she needs right now.
“Is it your wolf?” I question gently.
Still, she doesn’t bite. She won’t even fucking look at me.
“Riv, talk to me,” I plead, leaning my forehead against hers. “How can I help you if you won’t tell me what’s going on?”
I scent the salt of her tears before I see one slip down her cheek, my chest tightening as my inner wolf howls. Seeing her so distraught fucking guts me, and I have no idea how to make it better.
“Please, Riv…”
“Okay,” she whispers defeatedly, sniffling as she pulls back and finally meets my eyes. “I’ll tell you, but… Ace needs to hear it, too.”
“Yeah, okay,” I rush out, head bobbing up and down as I stuff a hand into my pocket to pull out my phone. “I’ll tell him to meet us.”
River frowns, a little crease forming between her brows. “He can’t get up here without a bike.”
“Not here,” I say, firing off a text message to Ace before stooping down to grab the helmet off the ground. Leaning in, I press a kiss to her lips, then lower the helmet over her head. “We’re going for another ride.”
35
There’s nothing quite like the anticipation a teenage shifter has for their wolf to come in. We never know when it’ll happen- for some, it’s as young as twelve. For others, it takes longer. The average age is thirteen, so when my fourteenth birthday hit and there was still no sign of my wolf, I started to panic a little bit. I’d lie awake at night wondering if there was something wrong with me. I’d watch my friends shift and tussle with one another as I sat on the sidelines feeling left behind. All the while, I begged fate for some sign of my inner animal, knowing my life would change for the better the moment she appeared.
I was wrong. A few months after my fourteenth birthday, my wolf finally came in, and I’ve been battling against her ever since.
My parents saw the writing on the wall from my very first shift. My wolf was larger and stronger than expected; a little too reminiscent of my mother’s wily inner animal that she’s never been able to fully control, but with the added kick of Alpha blood from my dad. They did all they could to guide me to integrate with my wild wolf, but when nothing worked, they turned tohelping me manage her. My dad coached me on ways to keep my animal instincts at bay. My mom taught me calming exercises to prepare for whenever I had to let her out.
After years without incident, I think I actually deluded myself into believing I had it handled. My coping mechanisms were so effective at masking the issue that I almost forgot my wolf is a loose cannon. Today was a sobering reminder of the truth, though. I’mnotin control. I never have been.
The bonfire pit at the edge of Norbury’s territory hasn’t changed a bit since the last time I was here, and there’s comfort in taking up the same weathered chair I used to occupy, gazing into the bright orange flames dancing inside the metal ring. Dusk has fallen, the sun slipping low behind the western mountain peaks. Seb and Ace are settled in their own chairs, and aside from the nausea curling in my gut, I’m oddly calm in the face of ruining everything by disclosing my deepest, darkest secret to them.
The beers that Ace brought are helping. I’m on my third one, and it’s provided just enough liquid courage for me to come clean about what really happened today. The guys have been patiently waiting for me to broach the conversation, and now, it’s just a matter of figuring out where to begin.
“Remember how strong my wolf was when she first came in?” I murmur, my eyes glazing over as I stare into the fire. “What happened with Beau that time we were goofing off and he jumped on my back?”
“You mean when you snapped his femur like a twig?” Seb muses, snorting a quiet laugh.
I cringe at the memory. They responded like typical teenage boys at the time, calling me a badass and teasing Beau that a girl made him cry, but I knew it wasn’t normal for my wolf to react that strongly.
“That was one of the first signs that my wolf was different,” I admit, eyes still fixed on the fire as I nervously pick at the label on my beer bottle with a fingernail. “And if you thought she was strong back then, you should see her now. She’s ten times more ferocious. If she’d have gotten out today, she would’ve done a lot more than break Chandler’s leg.”
Seb swings his gaze on me, brows knitting together. “That’sthe big secret?” he questions dubiously. “You’re an Alpha, Riv. Of course your wolf is stronger than the average shifter’s.”
“No, you don’t get it,” I grumble, shaking my head. “She’s dangerous, Seb. Fuckinglethal.”
“And?” he scoffs. “How is that a bad thing? It just means you’ll wipe the floor with Jake in this challenge.”
“I can’t fight him in the challenge,” I grit out through clenched teeth.
“What?” Seb scowls, flinching back in disbelief. “Why?”
“Because I can’t control it, okay?” I shout, chest heaving as I whip my head around to face him. “A challenge has to be witnessed, and if I let my wolf loose, I can’t guarantee that she won’t rip into everyone there watching. It could end up in a bloodbath, and then what?!”
“Are you saying your wolf isn’t fully integrated?” Ace asks tentatively, brow furrowing as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
I swing my gaze over to him, jerking a nod.
“But you run with your pack,” Seb points out.