Page 99 of Never Bargain with the Boss
“Riley, I…” He stops, his mouth open like the words are lodged in his throat.
“Just talk,” I remind him, sounding a little too desperate, but I can’t help it. Anything that keeps him here longer is what I want.
“I didn’t want you to leave. I wanted to wrap you in my arms and never let go. When you went upstairs to pack, I wanted to chase you and hold you down so you’d stay. There was so much I wanted to say,neededto say, but I couldn’t. I felt so… stuck, andso I stayed silent because I didn’t trust myself. If I said anything, it would’ve been that I love you and didn’t want you to go.”
He's pacing again, the words tumbling out of his mouth hard and fast like he couldn’t stop them if he wanted to.
“You what?” I heard him. But it’s the first time he’s said it, and I want to hear it again. I want to hear over and over again, as many times as I can. Maybe that makes me sound greedy, but the truth is, I haven’t had anyone say those words to me and actually mean it since I was five years old, so it’s not greed. It’s more likeneed.
He stops, his blue eyes locked on mine. I can see the past haunting him, but more so, I see this moment right here scaring the shit out of him. “I love you. And I’m really bad at love. Especially like this.” He waves a hand between us.
“Like what?” I ask, not understanding.
He swallows hard. “I loved Michelle. Maybe I still do? She was my everything and she gave me Grace. But we were kids promising forever with no concept of what it meant. And we should’ve gotten all those days together, but we didn’t. And when she died, I died too. Until you.” His gaze drops over me, but rather than the judgment I felt when we first met, I feel the worship from when he made love to me. “You, with your ridiculous pink hair and bracelets that amuse me endlessly, your damaged heart that you still manage to keep wide open without reservation, your brilliant smile that makes me feel hope for the first time. You, and quiet nights on the porch drinking tea that I hate just to spend time with you, silly outings to places I would never go so I could know you better, and crazy ideas like what if we could have a forever of our own? You brought me back to life and made me feel again. And I hate it.” He huffs out an ironic laugh, shaking his head. “And I love it at the same time.”
I don’t know what to say to all of that, and the stupidest thing pops out of my mouth. “You hate tea?” He ignores that, thankfully.
“I’m not the same man I was when I made those promises to Michelle. I’m broken and scarred, and I didn’t bother to heal right from it because I never thought I’d love anyone again, so I’m going to fuck up sometimes. Hopefully, not this badly,” he admits, looking sheepish as he scrubs a hand over his jaw. “But I want a forever with you, or however long we get. I want all my days and all my nights to be with you, whether there’s only one or a million.”
Everything he’s saying is like music to my ears. Every dream I’ve ever had of love, belonging, and acceptance is woven through his words. But there’s one important thing he’s missing.
The most important thing.
“What about Grace?” I say quietly. Because while she is Cameron’s priority, she is also mine. I would never do anything that would hurt her heart.
He gives me a small, one-sided smile. “About that…” he says, before telling me about Grace scheming to get us together, plotting ways to get us alone with one another, and pushing us together so discretely that we never noticed. “All this time we thought we were being sneaky, she was the true mastermind.”
“That tricky devil!” I giggle, my grin saying it’s a compliment and not at all an insult. Cameron grins back, agreeing. “So, she’s okay with us?” I like the sound of ‘us’ already.
“The instruction she gave me was to ‘bring Riley home’, and I intend to do just that.”
“She is so spoiled,” I tease, knowing that if Grace told him to bring her a puppy, he’d probably do that too. But I’m definitely seeing the good side of her getting her way right now, because it’s what I want too.
“Pretty sure I’m wrapped around her finger,” he tells me, holding up his pinky. He holds up the other one with an unbothered smirk, adding, “And around yours too.”
I stare at his hand, the tanned length of his fingers, especially the one where his wedding band used to be. There’s no line, no markings that he ever wore that ring, but the promises he made are still written on his heart. And if I go home with him, there will always be another woman in our relationship. A ghost of his past.
But I don’t resent his past any more than I do my own. It’s what has made us who we are and gotten us to where we are—here, right now. Neither of us is perfect, neither of us is easy, and both of us have more trauma than any one person should have to carry.
But I think we can do it. I think together, we can do anything, including healing each other. After all, we’ve healed from worse than this before, and we did that alone.
And all the while, we can create a lifetime full of moments, stacking them up as we make the most of every second we have.
So, with a vow to accept his love for Michelle, his priority of Grace, and the depth of his feelings for me as all important parts of who he is, I wrap my pinky around his. Surprised, he winds his back and we stay like that for a second, our eyes locked on each other.
“I love you, Riley,” he whispers. “It scares the shit out of me, but I’ll do whatever it takes. I would risk everything for you.”
“I love you too. And I would never ask you to risk a thing for me.”
He pulls my hand toward his mouth, but pauses, his eyes lifted to mine. “That’s why I would.” And then he presses a kiss to the back of my hand. I can feel the promises he’s making as his lips leave an invisible mark on my skin.
Cameron
I can’t believe I almost ruined this. But I’m so glad that Riley has a forgiving heart and an understanding mind. I didn’t fix this. Riley did, just by being herself.
Keeping ahold of her hand, I bring it to my chest, wanting her to feel my pounding heart. It beats for her now.
Slowly, I bend forward, wanting to seal this promise we’ve made with a kiss. I want to seal it with more, but I’ll start with a kiss. She lifts her chin, her eyes searching mine, but she’ll find no doubt, no hesitation. All obstacles holding me back have been smashed through and lay in ruins around us, and there’s only endless possibilities now.