Page 37 of Dared
“Y-y-you fucking better be,” he sneered, mimicking my stutter with a curl of his lip. My stomach clenched, and I begged my body to not react outwardly, even as my lip trembled. “You spilled my entire fucking pint. What are you gonna do about it?”
“I-I’ll pay for a new one,” I gasped out, stumbling backwards as he loomed over me. “It was—it was an accident.”
Crowding up against my back, he followed me all the way to the bar, where he ordered another drink, and I paid for it with shaking hands. I would’ve given anything to see Charlie there, to have a friendly face in my vicinity, but he was gone.
The guy left after muttering something uncomplimentary about me that I really wished I hadn’t heard, and I made a beeline for the toilet block. Locked inside one of the stalls, I pressed my forehead against the door, closing my eyes and trying to breathe. I bit down on my lip so hard I tasted blood, but despite my best efforts, a tiny sob fell from my throat when I opened my mouth. Rubbing the wetness away from my eyes, I counted under my breath until my breathing was under control. Why couldn’t I be normal? Why did I have to fuck up so much?
I needed Finn. I didn’t care if it made me weak or needy or whatever; I just wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything was okay. Blindly, I stumbled out of the stall and made my way back into the student union, desperately scanning the crowds. My vision was blurred from the tears that wouldn’t stop forming despite my best efforts, and I rubbed my face with my hoodie sleeve, still wet from the drink that had spilled over me, before pulling my hood up over my head. Maybe it looked weird for me to have my hood up inside, but at least it would help to hide the fact that I’d been crying.
My heart was pounding, and my breaths were fast and shallow as I entered the part of the student union where the DJ booth was set up. The music was so much louder in here, the bass throbbing in time with my elevated heart rate, but it was a relief in a way because it gave me something else to focus on.
Lights swept across the packed dance floor, and then I saw Finn.
Leaning down to a girl I didn’t recognise, a familiar grin on his face, the one that came so easily to him, he looked completely at ease. He looked happy. As I stood, frozen in place, I watched him shake his head, his grin widening as the girl went up on her toes to say something into his ear, his hand casually landing on her waist to hold her in place while she spoke. My stomach churned, and as I tore my gaze away, I noticed Charlie next to them with his arm draped over Sophie’s shoulders. It took me a second to realise that Charlie wasn’t the only other one there—there was a whole group of LSU footballers and their friends and partners. Every one of them seemed confident and happy, enjoying their Friday night.
Like normal people do.
What was I doing? I shouldn’t have come here. If I went over there, Finn would feel obligated to speak to me, maybe even leave, and he was clearly having fun. I was all wrong for him. He deserved better than a stupid, clingy boy who was hopeless at interacting socially and couldn’t even fucking handle walking through the student union without messing up.
Tears filled my eyes again, and this time, I didn’t bother to brush them away. The only thought left in my head was that I had to get out of there before Finn saw me. I pushed through the crowds, mumbling apologies, receiving a sharp elbow to the ribs that made me gasp as the breath was punched out of me, but I didn’t stop. By the time I hit the bar area, I was running, swerving around people in my haste to get away. My rib washurting from the elbow jab I’d received, my eyes were stinging, and I wasn’t paying enough attention to my surroundings.
“You again! Get out of my fucking way!” a voice snarled, and before I could register what was happening, I was being shoved, hard, and then I was falling backwards, hitting the wall with a thud. I crumpled to the floor, the cold surface tacky with spilled drinks.
Curling my body over, I made myself as small as possible.
“…probably drunk…”
“Did you see the way he was running?”
“…knobhead…”
“…already wasted, and it’s not even nine o’clock…”
The sobs tore from my throat unchecked. I couldn’t have stopped them if I’d tried. My breaths were coming so fast and shallow that I was light-headed.
I wrapped my arms around myself, my body trembling as I struggled to remember how to breathe.
“Leo? Leo?” A hand touched my shoulder, and I flinched. “Leo. It’s Nic. Are you okay? What am I saying? Of course you’re not.” The voice seemed to be coming from a great distance away, even though I could feel the hand on my arm and the heat of a body next to mine. I curled into myself even further, trying to make myself invisible as all around me, the whispers continued.
I was falling apart, and everyone was looking at me. Judging me.
An anguished sound ripped out of me, a sound I didn’t even know I could make, and Niccolò swore. Through the haze, I caught snatches of him saying words, words that refused to register in my brain. I didn’t know how long I remained there, trembling and trying to breathe through my sobs, but suddenly,the pressure of his hand was gone, almost instantly replaced by another. Two hands, this time, firmly gripping my shoulders.
“Leo. Take a breath. Like we do in dance. In, then out. With me.” I concentrated on the voice patiently repeating the instructions to me until I finally managed to take a deep, shuddering breath.
“Good. And again,” he said, and I breathed again, and then again, until the pressure in my chest lessened, and then, even though I didn’t want to, I opened my swollen eyes.
“Oh, babe,” JJ said sadly. “Come on. Do you think you can stand? Let’s get you out of here.”
Niccolò appeared in my field of vision, silently pulling my fallen hood back over my head. Together, the two of them helped me stand, JJ holding on to me and Niccolò doing his best to shield me with his body as we left the student union.
“My house is closest,” JJ murmured to Niccolò, steering me to the right. I drifted, letting him guide me wherever he wanted, too drained to think about where we were going and what we were doing.
The cooler air was replaced with warmth, and then there were stairs that seemed never-ending, but finally, there was a soft bed, and I was being carefully pushed down onto it.
“His hoodie’s all wet. Looks like someone threw a whole pint onto it,” Niccolò whispered.
“Yeah. Hey, Leo? Lift your arms, babe. We’re gonna get you out of these wet clothes, okay?”