Page 28 of A Raging Merry Christmas

“That’s a good old-fashioned word. Learn some words other than fuck, cunt, and asshole,” Spike grumbled and stomped away.

“Fuckin’ whippersnapper,” I muttered as I followed him. “Heard it all now.”

Dante

“That fucker is real,” I whispered to EJ.

EJ shook his head. “Nuh-huh.”

“That thing moved,” I insisted.

EJ went to shake his head again, but I put him in a headlock and made him watch. At first, EJ struggled, and then his body completely stilled.

“Told you!” I hissed as the head swivelled towards us.

“Fuck!” EJ shrieked as Jake and Garrett crept up, with Scout and Timmy behind them.

“What are you doing?” Scout asked.

“Watch!” I snapped.

Moments later, the elf’s head moved again.

“No way,” Nashoba exclaimed, appearing.

“You all saw that? You know what that is, don’t you?” I demanded.

“Yeah, it’s the elf on the shelf. It checks we are being good,” Hawk said as he joined us.

“Nuh-huh. It means we’re being spied upon. Have anyone else noticed these have sprung up all around the Hall?” I asked.

Noah and Asher, Gunner’s five-year-old twins, arrived with a skid.

“You’re not gonna guess what we just saw!” Noah exclaimed.

“What?” I demanded, annoyed at being interrupted.

“Our elf on the shelf moved!” Asher declared, and I swapped glances with everyone.

“Told you. We’re being spied on!” I said.

Asher and Noah looked shocked.

“What’s going on?” EJ asked.

“I’m not sure, but I’m not having some creepy pervert watching me. We don’t know who put them there and why. We gotta collect them all up and burn them,” I suggested.

“But they work for Santa!” Noah cried, looking upset.

“Not these ones! These are bad elves. They’ve been sent to spy on us. We need to find them all and stop them in their evilness,” I explained.

Asher’s face got angry.

“Do you really think they’re wicked?” Timmy asked.

“Yes. Let’s find them all and put them in bags. We’ll meet back here,” I ordered. “We have to look after the younger children.These might even be spies here to steal Santa’s presents he’s bringing everyone.”

“No!” Scout said, horrified.