Page 32 of I Am Sin

“Part of recovery is being able to resist,” he says. “It might be good for me to be around that stuff.”

“You’re staying in Denver because you want to be close to rehab, right?”

“Yeah. In case I relapse. But I can’t stop living life, Diana. I’m going to be around drugs and alcohol. I have to deal. You do, don’t you?”

“I don’t touch pot,” I say. “I really hate it, to be honest. I have a drink or two, but not much.”

“Yet you can be around people who are getting shit-faced.”

“Well, yeah, but I’m not…”

“Not an addict?”

God, have I dug myself a giant hole.

I take a deep breath. “No. I mean, I hate to be so blunt, Dragon, but I’m not an addict.”

“And I am.”

“Well… Yeah. I don’t think that’s ever been an issue.”

He raises a hand in front of him. “I don’t mean it that way. Iaman addict. It’s part of who I am. I can’t escape it no matter how I try, but I can control it. I can’t change who I am, but I can change how I deal with it. Just like I can’t change my past.” He stops abruptly.

And I can’t help myself. “Is there something you wish youcouldchange?”

“I don’t talk about that,” he says. “My point is only that there are some things I can’t change. There is no point in trying because it would be fruitless. But what Icanchange is my attitude, my behavior. Maybe going out tonight—being around the stuff I need to avoid—would be a good test for me.”

“You were around booze at the wedding.”

“I was, but I also had all my friends around me then as well. Jesse was there, looking after me.”

“And you don’t think I would be looking after you?”

“Why would you? It’s not like we’re friends, Diana.”

His words strike me with something I’m not prepared for.

He’s right, of course. We’re not friends. We had all of one or two conversations—short ones at that—before he moved in with me.

We’re not friends. We’re roommates. That’s it.

I’m not sure how to respond to his comment, though, so I simply say, “Are you coming or not?”

“Sure. Let me get my jacket.”

The doorman at Teddy’s building knows me, and he waves us through. Once we get to her loft, I knock loudly, as I can already hear the music blaring.

Teddy answers the door clad in black skinny jeans and a peach camisole. She looks amazing, of course, her flaming red hair always a showstopper.

“Dee!” She grabs me into a hug. She breaks the embrace with wide eyes. “And who’s this?”

“This is my new…roommate. Dragon.”

“NottheDragon.” Teddy’s eyes widen. “From the band?”

“One and the same,” Dragon says.

Her jaw drops. “Oh my God! I can’t believe it! Come on in, both of you. This is quite a treat.” Teddy takes Dragon’s arm and pulls him inside.