Page 20 of The Pucking Single Dad

“No,” Hunter replied immediately. “No, of course, I do not.”

“Do you love anyone?” she asked in retaliation.

This question took him off guard. Vulnerability was not his specialty, but he knew that he had to be vulnerable right now. He took a deep breath before answering her question.

“I don’t know,” Hunter finally stated honestly. “I don’t know, Luna. My whole personal life has been a mess since my wife died. I loved her, and when she passed, I didn’t know if it was possible or appropriate to ever fall in love with someone again. That’s why I go back and forth, and it's why I seem so distant at times. I know that I give mixed signals, but I am confused aboutwhat is okay for me to do. Even though she is gone, I feel like I am betraying her.”

"Then why did you flirt with your head coach, of all people?" she asked bluntly, unable to hold back any longer.

The words hung in the air between them, heavy with accusation and frustration. Luna hadn’t planned on being so direct, but the question had been gnawing at her for too long. She needed answers. She needed to understand why he had allowed such an inappropriate dynamic to unfold. It wasn’t just anyone—it was his head coach, someone with authority over him, someone who should have been off-limits. The thought of it infuriated her.

Her heart raced as she waited for his response, eyes locked on his, searching for any hint of regret or explanation. She didn’t want excuses; she wanted the truth, no matter how much it might hurt.

“I guess I was just trying to escape the madness of everything,” he stated. “I know it wasn’t right, but I was not thinking clearly. I know that I hurt you, but in my mind, that conversation with her was an escape to just feel good for a moment. Plus, nothing happened between us. Sure, I enjoyed the flirting for a moment, but in the end, I turned her down. I told her that I wasn’t interested. I just wanted to feel good about myself for a moment. Is that really a crime?”

This last comment hurt Luna. She wondered if she didn’t make him feel good enough. Her self-confidence dropped. This was all too complicated. Was he worth it? She did not know. She tried to hold back her tears. Hunter noticed she was becoming emotional.

He hated seeing her upset, but he also couldn’t help but think that his feelings were valid. His life had become drastically more complicated after the death of his wife. She didn’t understand that because she had never lost a spouse. How could she possibly understand what he was thinking or feeling?

Then, he wondered if Luna's lack of understanding was his fault. He had not opened up to her, and maybe he should have been more open about how he felt. So, Hunter decided to do something he was not used to doing; he decided to be vulnerable with a woman.

Chapter Seven: The Past Becomes the Present

Hunter made some coffee. It was obvious that it was going to be a long night, and he wanted to make sure that both he and Luna were attentive to this conversation. It was an important conversation, and regardless of how uncomfortable each of them was, it was a talk they had to have with one another. The situation between them had become more complicated than necessary, and there were other people to consider. The bottom line was that they needed to figure out their situation to ensure Adam's stability. Thank goodness he remained asleep during their conversation.

Luna still looked sad, and Hunter himself did not look too good, either. He poured two coffee cups full to the brim and placed one cup in front of himself and the other in front of Luna. He sat down at the kitchen table with her and prepared himself to be as emotionally vulnerable as he could. He had to do this, he told himself. Perhaps being vulnerable would make this whole mess of a situation worth it.

He cared about her, and he didn't want to lose her, no matter how messed up he was. No matter how many mistakes he had made, he wanted to keep Luna in his life in whatever fashion she felt comfortable with. He knew that she had to be feeling betrayed and confused, and while all of those emotions were valid, he hoped that she could at least try to understand where he was coming from, how losing a wife he loved very much so suddenly and unexpectedly could make him behave so irrationally when emotions such as love were involved.

Hunter looked at Luna. They gently smiled at each other; they knew that the other felt uncomfortable, and deep down, they wanted to ease that discomfort a bit. Luna reached her hand out and gently held Hunter’s hand. This small act of kindness deeply touched him. Perhaps there was hope for them as a couple, yet.

“I need to tell you about my wife,” Hunter said. “I think losing her is the cause of all my issues with vulnerability and my tendency to make relationships more complicated than necessary. I know I hurt you, but I would really appreciate it if you would listen to me right now.”

Luna picked up her coffee and nodded. There was something heartfelt about his words, and she believed him. It did not erase her hurt, but she was open to hearing what he had to say to her.

“I am listening,” she replied softly. “Go ahead.”

Hunter spilled his soul to Luna and told her everything. He explained how he had met his wife in college, how they fell madly in love, how she supported his career in professional hockey playing, and how she was his biggest fan. He told her how they traveled the world together. He described his former wife as an adventurous, kind spirit who genuinely loved him unconditionally and fully.

When they had Adam, it was the most incredible day of their lives together. His birth brought them even closer together as a couple. Still, when she unexpectedly died in a car crash, when she wasn't even driving, but she was in the backseat of a cab, he felt like he had lost the best part of himself.

Adam was still young when she died. He was practically still a newborn. Hunter had to learn how to become a father and a mother quickly, and there was really no time for him to mourn his wife's passing.

Losing his head coach this season brought back a flood of painful emotions for Hunter, emotions he thought he had buried. His coach had been there for him during the most difficult time of his life, showing up at the hospital repeatedly to visit Hunter’s wife, who was in a coma after the accident.

After she passed away, his coach frequently checked in on both Adam and him, offering support when Hunter had no one else to turn to. It had been a long and emotional journey, and throughout it all, his coach had been his only confidant.

For a while, they had held out hope that his wife might wake up from the coma. Doctors weren’t certain, but there were moments when they believed she could pull through. But in the end, her mind was gone. Hunter had to face the devastating truth that keeping her alive felt inhumane.

Her body was still there, but the vibrant, loving person he had married was no longer present. The hardest decision of his life came when he had to choose to stop the machines that were keeping her alive. Sometimes, even now, he wondered if he made the right choice.

Hunter felt an overwhelming wave of guilt. Although he wasn’t responsible for the car accident that had led to her coma, hecouldn’t escape the fact that he was the one who decided to pull the plug. Logically, he knew it was the right thing to do — her brain had been irreparably damaged, and there was no hope for recovery.

He knew deep down that his wife would have wanted him to move on, to find love again, but the idea of being with another woman, of committing himself to someone new, was almost unbearable. The thought of falling in love again made the guilt even worse as if he was betraying her memory by doing so. Every time the possibility crossed his mind, it overwhelmed him, making it impossible to consider a future with anyone else.

This guilt created a barrier between him and the people he cared about, driving him to detach emotionally. No matter how much he longed for connection, the remorse always caused him to pull away, leaving him isolated and alone, even when he didn’t want to be.

Luna listened intently to every word that Hunter said. Hearing his past in detail made everything make so much more sense. Although she still felt betrayed by him, understanding the reasons behind his irrational thinking and reckless behavior made her understand him more. If anything, she had more empathy for him, and it was hard to stay angry at him.