Page 11 of Ribbons and Roses
“We’ve talked about it ad nauseam. But therapy’s not a magical solution.”
“It doesn’t erase memories.”
“I’m not sure anything can fix the kind of shit I’ve got going on. Which is what I was always afraid of, letting myself be with Phi. She deserves…”
“Psycho, I’m sure Mrs. Phi would say she deserves you. She’s happy withyou.”
“Still doesn’t fix things.”
I drain the glass of my bourbon in a single swallow and then rise up from the couch. “I’ll have to find a way to get through this. Not just for myself. But for Phi and the kids.”
4
delphine
I’m fasteningthe last button on Dante’s onesie when Dominic runs up in tears.
“What is it, Dom? What’s wrong?” I ask, hoisting Dante into my arms. In a few minutes we’re about to head out as a family to the Galleria, where we’ll be taking the kids for photos with Santa.
“Mommy…” the six-year-old pokes out his bottom lip, pausing to put his words together. “Bryce says Santa isn’t real.”
“Oh,” I say, surprised. I reach for Dominic’s curly head with my free hand, stroking him in comfort. “Well, why do you think he said that?”
“He told me ’cuz nobody comes down the chimney. And nobody eats the cookies and milk. And the presents under the tree are moms and dads putting them there.”
“What do you think? Do you believe he is real?”
“He is… isn’t he, Mommy?” Dominic blinks up at me, his eyes shining with tears.
“I think nothing can ever take away how special Christmas and Santa Claus are,” I answer. “Do you remember when we talked about the meaning of Christmas?”
Dominic sniffles as he walks by my side. I’ve swung Dante’s diaper bag over my shoulder and started for the door of his nursery. We make it into the hall by the time Dominic’s decided on an answer.
“It’s about giving,” he murmurs. “And family and being together.”
“That’s right. That will never change, Dom. So long as those are the meanings, then we all have a little Santa Claus inside us.”
The explanation seems to do its job. Dominic gives a satisfied nod and then races ahead of me, presumably to head downstairs and tell Bryce what he’s learned.
“No running down the stairs!” I call from behind him.
The door to Serena’s room opens and out walks Salvatore holding Serena’s hand. “The princess is all ready,” he announces. “She dressed herself.”
“I did!” Serena says proudly, bouncing on the spot. “Mommy, even the buttons!”
Salvatore and I share a smile and then a kiss. He takes the diaper bag off my shoulder as we reach the end of the hall and descend as a family, catching up to Dominic at the bottom of the stairs.
“Are you sure you’re fine coming with us?” I ask.
“Phi, I’m looking forward to seeing the kids meet Santa Claus… and ask him for fifty different toys,” he says. “That alone will make it worth the drive.”
I can still sense his hesitancy, though the kids would never notice. He puts up a determined and positive front for them. Serena tugs excitedly on his hand while Dominic starts walking backward all so he can tell his father about how he’s going to ask Santa for a new bike.
It means so much that Salvatore always does what he needs to for us. Even as he may struggle himself.
But as we load the kids into the car we’ll be taking, I’m still reminded how I should be trying to make the season special for him somehow.
I’ve spent time thinking about how and have come up with an idea. The first step is getting Salvatore to agree…