Page 5 of Snowed In with My Ex

God, I knew it was coming. He always delivered. Playing my body like he knew it better than I knew myself. “Please, Daddy!” I begged.

“You’re going to get it, baby girl!” The vow was clear in his voice. “You’re going to get every fucking…”

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

My eyes popped open, and I quickly shut them again. Hoping I’d go right back to the moment in my dreams, but nothing.

I rolled to my side and gazed out the small window in my bedroom that overlooked the cute yard of the rental I lived in.

“It was a dream,” I whispered to myself as my eyes immediately started to fill up with tears. “Damn it.” I sniffled, rolling to my back and pressing the palms of my hands to my eyes. “No more crying!” I whined, annoyed at myself.

Of course, it was a dream.The whole time I dated Winston Nash had felt that way.

Now those dreams were only to be lived when I slept because it seemed Winston Nash and his stupid face were going to haunt me for the rest of my life. There wasn’t a night I hadn’t dreamt about him. A night I had been able to sleep all the way through.

For the first week, I’d hoped he would call or text. Somehow try to reach out because he would want me back. But nothing. Then I thought maybe he would reach out for Thanksgiving, but again, nothing. Now, a whole complete month had passed sincewe broke up, and I still couldn’t seem to get over the hope of him coming over, stopping by unannounced at my place or work, declaring his undying love.

God, I was an idiot.

I glanced at my phone and scrolled to my camera roll. I opened it and went directly to the album I’d created one night a week ago when my roommate and I had tried to drink my feelings away. I’d put them all together, ready to delete them. Thankfully, Piper stopped me before I did something I wouldn’t be able to take back.

I swiped through the images. There were many, but I still wished we had taken more. That I had done something creepy like filming him when he was sleeping or cooking, or just being.

Winston was incredible in bed, but what I missed most was just being with him. Around him, in his arms. And as shitty as it was, especially since it had been me who ended it, I missed him.

It was stupid. After six months, he had started to change. It felt like a wall had suddenly been built between us, and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get through. Then a month ago, in the heat of a moment, when I tried to get him to listen, I’d stupidly broken it off.

With my ego and pride bruised, I hadn’t reached out. Not once.

I’d fallen in love with a man who was older and settled in his ways. For whatever reason, I just wasn’t what fit into his life or world. I hated that I felt like I somehow hadn’t been enough. I sat up and looked at my room.

Everywhere I looked, there was some kind of memory stuck to Win. Him standing to the side getting ready. Win walking into my room, holding a tray of food and coffee. God, he used to make the best coffee. I had no idea what he did or why, but his coffee always tasted better than any I ever made or bought.

One day, I’d be okay. I’d be fine with Winston not being in my life, with him not reaching out once from the moment I stepped foot outside his house. When my phone pinged with a message, I frowned.

“Shit,” I whispered to myself. I needed to get my head together.

I was practicing law, working at a great firm that paid well. But I was living very below my means to help pay off my student loans and with a long-term goal of opening my own firm one day to specialize in family law. Goals and all that. But I had done one crazy, uncharacteristic thing right before Win had changed.

I’d booked Winston and me a cabin in Colorado in a small mountain town he had fallen in love with after selling some land to a friend of his, Clay Garcia. Some cowboy who had left and relocated there from Texas. I’d done that knowing I would be off for over two weeks because the firm closed every year to provide everyone with time off.

Now I was stuck with a non-refundable cabin rental and airline tickets.

Had I really thought Win and I were that solid for me to book a vacation together to surprise him with? Yes. Yes, I had. I’d thought we were going to be forever.

Like I said, I was an idiot.

I shook my head and frowned. Naps were never a good idea for me.

I glanced at the text. I needed to make a decision about what to do with the cabin. I couldn’t not go. All that money would go to waste.

I couldn’t do that.

Fresh mountain air? Maybe some snow? Spending time on my own? That would be good for me. Worst case, if I hated it, I didn’t have to stay through Christmas. I could come back home early. Maybe change my flight or rent a car and drive back.

That sounded like a good plan.

I stood up and grabbed some loungewear and headed to the shower. After a good scrub-down, washing my hair and shaving my legs, I walked out of the bathroom dressed in my buttery soft loungewear and a towel wrapped around my long hair and frowned.